Wednesday, July 24, 2013


Becoming a mother is THE most profound, transforming thing I have ever experienced.  Seriously.

I mean for real guys, am I the only one that feels rocked by this?  I mean REALLY rocked.  Or is it that I suddenly stay home and have all this extra time to think about things like this?  Who knows.

So, being 6 weeks into this gig has brought about some serious self-reflection.

Self-Reflection #1.  You don't suddenly lose all your unpleasant personality traits because you became a mother.  In fact...becoming a mother can make you even MORE aware of your shortcomings.
Yeah, I don't know.  I think I thought that I would be endowed with this super human ability to sacrifice everything for the sake of my child.  And I would do it with a smile.  All those tendencies that I once had would POOF, vanish away and I would be a super mom.  You know, practically perfect.  Or at least that's how I pictured it playing out when I was walking around with my basketball sized belly imagining what motherhood would be like.  Well guess what?!?  It doesn't work that way.  I am an incredibly independent person.  Now this trait isn't always carries a lot of good with it but it also makes me not accept help from others...and makes me well, selfish.  Selfish with my "me time".  I want to do what I want to do when I want to do it so there.  I didn't imagine this trait sticking around when I became a mother.  Don't know why.  I guess I pictured motherhood too idyllic (and I tend to be very realistic)  But it's there and it should go away.  But it won't.  So yeah.

Another trait that I didn't imagine getting in the way?  My lack of touchy feeliness.  I am not a super physically affectionate person.  I don't dish hugs out easily.  Not sure why.  Just don't.  I'm decently affectionate with Jason and that's about it...and well, with Jack now haha.  Now don't get me wrong.  I love LOVE LOOOOOOVE to hold and cuddle my baby.  I mean, way more then I even imagined possible.  I also want to instill a lifestyle of affection and physical portrayals of love into our children.  I think it's important and valuable.  But at the end of the day, when Jack is finally asleep...I'm done.  I have maxed out on being touched.  Yet this is no bueno because well...there's Jason.  Hmmm.  Dilemma.  The sad part is that when Jack is a toddler and becomes more independent I'm totally going to miss this cuddly, constantly wanting to be held time.  Hate how that works.

Self-Reflection #2.  I really REALLY need the Lord in my life.  Like REALLY.  
Alright, this seems kinda duh but seriously...I'm just beginning to fully grasp this.  Let me try to explain.  My life has been filled with moments in time when I felt desperate for the Lord.  Small crisis.  Heart break.  Financial needs, etc.  Moments where you cry out and say, "Father, please have mercy and help me."  The unfortunate part is that these moments pass and then you become self-sustaining once again and go on with life.  I'm constantly trying to live every moment for God and get caught up with life.  Life gets monotonous and you forget.  You forget about God.  Having a child does something to you though.  Suddenly there is this little human who is completely outside of you.  I have been in awe and have praised the Lord for Jack and have been in tears and at a total loss as to what to do for Jack.  I'm in this constant communion with God because otherwise...being a mom is just plain overwhelming.  Don't even get me started on when he gets older...his salvation, and etc.  Anyways, having Christ at the center of MY life and MY being makes caring for Jack a lot less overwhelming.  It reminds me that I'm not in control...and that's the best place to be.

And there you have it.  A couple of thoughts on this crazy thing called motherhood.  So rewarding, beautiful, so...just right...and yet, well, crazy.  Yeah.  That's a good way to describe it.  :)

Monday, July 22, 2013

For the Grandparents

I feel slightly brain dead.

Not sure why.  Oh wait.  I have a 5 week...almost 6 week old who is still enjoying his every 3 hour feedings at night.  Except for last night.  We went 5 hours and then 6 hours.  It was beautiful.  I'm hoping this becomes a new trend.  HOPING.  Jack is also transitioning into being awake more often...and taking one super long nap in the afternoon.  The nap is so long that it makes me miss him by the end of it.  Like I almost want to wake him up.  Almost.  :)  I enjoy him being more awake but I must say that it makes certain things a little difficult.  Things like oh, going to the bathroom and eating.  Yeah. Jack loves to be held.  LOVES.  And you have to entertain him too.  I know, he's only 5 1/2 weeks old.  But seriously, he gets bored and fussy if you don't talk to him, sing to him, dance him around.  Exhausting after a couple of hours I tell ya.  Anyways, I'm hoping that over time he will learn to entertain himself just a little more...we're working on that. ;)  Also the little guy has suddenly started scratching his face....a in drawing blood.  We've never had issues before this.  So sad.  :(

Anyways, for the grandparents...
And anyone else who likes to stare at our child as much as I do...
Enjoy! :)

Angry baby haha
Lesson planning :)
He's getting so chunky!!!
Daddy loves his baby <3
This is as good as it gets haha
Bath time!!!

Thursday, July 18, 2013

R to the A to the RANDOM

Something smells and I cannot figure out what it is.  It's kinda a weird musty smell.  I smelled myself, the cushion on the chair, Jack.   I can't figure it out.  So weird.  I only smell it when I'm on the computer though.  I'm stumped.

I did my first public nursing today.  Yeah buddy.  I think I didn't flash my milk jugs to the world.  I think.  ;)  Jack wasn't a stellar nurser though with the cover.  Not his thing.  He was too distracted.  Oh well.  We'll get used to it.  I felt surprisingly unawkward though.  I honestly didn't care if someone got a little glimpse of the "girls".  They shouldn't be starin' so hard...pervs.  :)  We are in the middle of San Francisco's "summer" aka complete and total, never ending grey sky and cool air.  Blak.  I needed to get out of the house and feel like I should be getting Jack out too.  He needs stimulation...more then what our small house offers.  We go on walks but it's too bright for his little baby blues and so he's hidden underneath the cover.  Anyways, we went to the mall.  I got a coffee and we walked around.  The kid was totally enthralled by all the lights and got many oooohs and awwws from cute old ladies.  I was hoping to nurse in the "women's lounge" in Nordstrom's.  It's this nice area in the bathroom that has couches...and is very private.  Except there were like 4 people in there all sleeping???  Weird.  So, I was banished to the mall area.  I found a private bench and all in all our outing was a success.

So I think I got Jack to smile.  Yeah, I'm awesome.  And it probably means Jack is a genius.  I mean, 5 weeks?  That's a little early right?  :)  I made this weird little pop noise with my mouth and yeah...I coaxed a couple of smiles out of him.  Not a huge gummy one but I don't think we can blame it on gas.  (He smiles all the time when he's just about to fall asleep too)  Anyways,  I'm sorta counting it.  I'd like a smile that's a little more consistent and that I don't have to work so darn hard for though.  :)

I got my hospital bill in the mail from Jack's birth.  Daaaaaaaaaaang.  Let's just say a deductible is a WHOLE lot less painful when you see what it would've been without insurance.  In case you were costs $41,000 to birth a child in San Francisco.  Yeah.  I know.

What do I wear right now?  I mean really???  My maternity pants kinda fit...but they're getting a little big.  But my old jeans...I'm no where near cramming these hips/butt into those things.  Let alone the waist.   I went to Forever21 and got an $8 pair of skinny jeans.  I'm thinking I should get another pair.  But what about shirts?  I mean everything fits just...weird.  Or it's too small in the bust.  I don't want to buy anything because I'm guessing I'll still lose more weight.  I mean, it's not like I SEE anyone every day but I am planning on going back to work (very part time) in a month.  I guess we'll wait and see what the bod sitch is then eh?  Maybe I should go to a thrift shop and get some "transitional" clothing.

I miss a few things.  Overall being a mom is great.  But I miss dates with Jason...and for some reason I really want to see a movie even though I was never a big movie person before.  You always want what you can't have right?  Weird.  I also really miss cooking.  That is almost impossible.  I have to choose meals that don't take a lot of "stove attention" because at any moment I may have a crying babe who needs some lovin'.  I just want to cook a stellar meal with a delicious dessert.  One day, one day.

And that concludes my random post.

Friday, July 12, 2013

10 Things I Didn't Expect Postpartum

10)  Night Sweats
Holy cow.  I remember that first night in the hospital after Jack was born waking up absolutely drenched in sweat.  Gross dude.  It has tapered off a bit and definitely not so bad but was a rough...wet...first couple of weeks of "sleep".  Sleep?  ha!  HAHAHAHA!  :)

9) B.O.
Body odor.  Maybe this is just me.  Seriously though pits stink.  And not like my normal stink.  This is a whole new level...and I don't even DO anything every day.  Can you imagine if I went on a run.  I'd drop you to the floor...I'm telling you.  :)

8) Water
Good grief I cannot drink enough water.  I drink and drink and drink and DRINK and yet...I still feel dehydrated.  My little monster really likes to nurse so I think the frequency is kinda sucking the life out of pun intended.  :)

7) My body
So, this is a positive one.  I totally expected to feel really uncomfortable in my skin after I had Jack.  I thought that the flabby skin and extra "cushion" acquired from pregnancy would make me feel uncomfortable and very unattractive.  In reality hasn't bothered me.  And that's been nice...and surprising.  I mean...I was hecka thin before my pregnancy.  Anyways, I'm losing the weight but feel no crazy hurry to do so.  It will happen when it happens and in the mean time I'm content.  I mean...I brought a LIFE into this world.  :)  That's totally worth getting flabby and soft for right?

6) Breastfeeding
This is a mixed basket.  I am totally in awe over the fact that I possess within my body something that sustains our little one...and it's FREE!  I mean, it's really quite amazing when you think about it.  I enjoy breastfeeding and definitely feel like it's a sweet time of bonding between Jack and I.  At the same time though I wasn't planning on birthing a baby with a short frenulum and having to use a nipple shield.  The nipple shield is necessary but's sort of a pain...and it's messy.  I WISH I didn't have to use it...but I'm glad there exists an option for us.  One that doesn't cause me pain and makes it easier for little Jack to get his white gold.   :)

5) Appetite
I've had a weird thing with food for most of my pregnancy.  I had no appetite for almost my whole pregnancy...except maybe 2 months in the middle.  I thought that it would come back fully once Jack was born.  Honestly, I'm just now sorta getting my appetite back, one month later.  The worst part is that I just want carbs.  Cookies, chips, pasta, etc.  Lovely.  It's a good thing I'm okay with my baby weight right?   haha.  Cause it ain't coming off anytime soon at THIS rate.  :)

4) Sleep
Nobody prepared me for this.  I mean, they tried to but I think I was in denial.  It seriously seems unfair to make you go through of the most physically exhausting things ever and then take away your sleep for the next 3 months or so afterwards.  Oye vay.  You should see me at those 2am and 5am feedings.  I look like a bobble head trying to keep awake.  I actually totally fell asleep once and woke up to Jack also asleep on my lap.  Yikes.  It's brutal.  I kinda feel like a basket case.  Things that are not logical run through my mind.  And my reaction time...a bit slow.  Jack fully peed all over the wall for like 10 seconds while I was changing his diaper before I figured out what was happening and  I threw a diaper over him...of course he had already emptied his bladder at that point...ON THE WALL...and on his wind-up giraffe...and on a few other things.  I think I thought I'd have the infant who sleeps through the night at 3 weeks old.  Ha!  Um no.  Kid loves his milk a little too much.  He's like clock work.  Every 3 hours.  And it doesn't look like he's going to change that any time soon.  I mean, don't get me wrong...he's worth it.  :)  But it'll be nice when he starts to sleep a little longer.

3) Going Pee
Okay, this is a little TMI but nobody told me that you might not be able to pee after giving birth.  Seriously, it's weird.  They almost put the catheter back in less then 12 hours before we were supposed to be discharged from the hospital.  I had to practically beg them not to do give me the chance to do it alone.  When I could go I had zero control over it.  I needed a bathroom and I needed it yesterday.  Honestly, the bladder is just now feeling normal.

2) Hip pain
So, I dealt with this at the end of my pregnancy.  I was looking forward to this going away once I gave birth.  HA!  The first couple of weeks after birth gave me hip pain like no other.  Way WAY worse then anything I experienced while pregnant.  Seriously, I was limping around the house, barely able to lift my right leg off the floor.  I just sorta dragged (drug?  why does that look weird?) my leg behind me.  Lovely.  Fortunately they feel pretty good now.  So, it wasn't permanent :)

1) Alone time and conversation with friends = Necessary
So, I kinda thought I'd be a super mom.  You know, I'd live and breath my baby and I'd do it whole heartedly and never need a break and yeah...cause I'm awesome like that.  Um yeah.  I was shocked to find myself wanting to run an errand by myself only 2 weeks after Jack was born.  At first I felt guilty.  Then I's okay.  It's not like I'm running away.  I just want to go grab a cup of coffee and a few groceries on my own for an hour.  No big deal.  It helped that Jason was pushing me out of the house...encouraging me to take some time by myself.  It was amazing what an hour did for me.  I felt like a new person.  It made me miss my baby.  Which is a good thing.  Also, meeting with friends...even with baby in tow has been great.  So refreshing.  It reminds you that you are still YOU.

And THAT is what I've learned about postpartum life.  :)

Monday, July 8, 2013

A Blog Post that does NOT Involve Baby Jack

Shocking eh?
I feel like all I think about/talk about/take pictures of is our new little man...which is understandable.  Right?  At least I tell myself this.  :)

So, I've got a really weird/random/gross story for you.  Ready?

I've been going on daily walks as of late.  Jason needed some cash at work and I decided to load Mr. Jack up in the stroller and meet Jason to deliver him some mullah.  Well, first let me say...we've been experiencing a week long heat wave here in the Bay area, as in the triple digits...well I think in California in general.  Anyways, just keep that in your mind for me.  HEAT!  Lots of heat.

So, Jack and I leave the house and are walking up the street.  We make it a couple of blocks and I'm just looking around...enjoying the fresh air and the warmth.  Suddenly something catches my eye on the sidewalk in front of me.  Something covered in a white sheet.  Something on a stretcher.  Something oddly "body shaped".  I sorta just stare and wrap my mind around the fact that yes, yes, there is a dead body on the sidewalk...right in front of me.  Um, what???  Then I look up to see that there is a coroner van and a police car parked in the street in front of the house...and they are standing rather far away from this body.  At the moment, I didn't find this odd.  I DID find it odd that they just left the body there chillin' on the sidewalk??!!??  What the heck.  It was obvious that the person was old because the shape was some what small and frail.  One of the coroners was walking out of the house with a bag of prescription meds.  Guessing they just died of natural causes.  One of the police officers steps in front of me and says, "Are you okay?  Do you need to cross the street?"  Um yeah, at this point...I'm about 6 feet from said body.  Any mental/emotional trauma that could happen is already done so no, I can handle walking by it.  Oh man, was I WRONG!

So there was a reason why the body was, let's say, "getting some air".  There was a reason why the police were not getting close to it.  I walked by it and when I was about 3 feet passed hit me.  IT being...the smell.  OH.MY.GOSH.  Yeah, that heat wave we are having?  Gag me.  I don't know how long that poor person had been gone but their death was most definitely not all that recent.  Ugh.  I seriously felt like I was going to vomit.  Weirdest thing I think I've experienced in a very long time.

Anyways, so there's my story.  Bizarre....and sad.  I was imagining this elderly person who had nobody that came to visit him/her.  Sadness. 

Gross right?  Maybe I should stick to writing about Jack.  Yeah?  Sounds like a good idea.  :)

Friday, July 5, 2013

My Faves

Well, the daddy is snuggling with the baby which leaves the mommy free to do whatever she pleases.  So I'll blog.  Because...well...there isn't much else that I CAN do.  I've been feeling better...a lot more healed and yet by the end of the day I just ache.  It's like the weight from standing and moving catches up to me and I have to just sit.  I've been completely off the pain meds which is nice...but I sure get tempted to pop one in my mouth come 6:00 in the evening.  :)

Anyways, being that I am SO an experienced mother's been about 3 weeks ha!  I thought I'd share some of my favorite baby products so far.  You all were so good to share with me the things you thought were must haves as mothers.  So here we go!

1) Summer Infant by your side Sleeper
This is what we are using as our "bassinet".  This ended up being a great option for us.  We have a Cal-King bed which pretty much takes up our whole room.  There wasn't much space to put a baby bassinet anywhere in our room.  The one thing that I don't like is that it separates Jason and I.  I thought about putting Jack on the outside but I'm too afraid I'd push him off!  Yikes!  Obviously this only works for people who have large beds.  It's also very cheap and folds up easily so we can take it when we go down south to see our family...until he gets bigger at least.  :)

2). BOB Stroller Revolution SE

I LOVE my stroller.  We are using a Chicco car seat with the adapter as he's way too small to use the stroller as is.  I can steer this sucker one handed...easily.  We also have a lot of Muni/trolley tracks in the roads around us that would be really bumpy if it weren't for the awesome shocks on this puppy.  It's a little big but overall I've been very pleased.  As of late I've forced myself to go on a walk a day...for my sanity and I'm convinced it's helping me heal despite the pain haha.  :)  Jack loves movement too so he enjoys his stroller also!  Once we aren't using the car seat I can lock the front and take it hiking on trails and running.  Can't wait!
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3.) Medela Nipple Shield

Contact Nipple Shield 24mmOk, this is a weird one...and a little personal, haha.  But we're talking about products I love and seriously....I think this is my fave so far!  So, in the hospital I figured out very quickly that nursing was TORTURE.  I seriously winced in pain every time he nursed.  He latched no problem but something was obviously evidenced by my poor, absolutely destroyed nipples.  I figured that this was know, you have to "break them in".  Well, apparently not haha.  It turns out that Jack has a short frenulum.  That string thing underneath your tongue.  It's attached more towards the tip of his tongue rather then the middle which means he has a shallow suck...which means agony for me.  The lactation consultant (who I LOVED and seriously wanted to take home with me) figured all of this out and went and got me a nipple shield.  Oh, what a difference!  One day he may need to have his frenulum cut but we will wait and see if it causes any real problems before we do that.  He has no trouble latching which is evidence that it's not a problem for him (if it was more severe he wouldn't be able to suck and hold on to it continually).  In the end then...the shield is more for me and my comfort.  And I'm very thankful for it...let me tell you!  :)

 4) Nursing Tank Tops

I think I thought that I would use these more on a regular everyday basis...which I did at first.  I loved them in the hospital but it turns out they are a huge staple for the night.  They are my new pj shirt of choice.  Super easy to use when you are groggy for those 2:00am feedings...and uber comfy too.  I have a couple of different ones from Target.  Having trouble pulling a picture but here is a link.  :)

5)Moby Wrap

Overall I'd say that Jack is a mostly easy baby.  I wouldn't complain too much if he slept a little longer at night buuuut...he's like 3 weeks old so I'm delusional if I think he's going to bust out an 8 hour stretch right now.  He doesn't cry very often...except when he's that kid has lungs and wants food NOW.  When he's awake though he likes to be held.  He doesn't sit on his own and "entertain" himself...whatever that means for a 3 week old.  The Moby is a great solution because he looooooves it.  The unfortunate thing is that I can't wear him very long.  My recovery isn't really complete and it puts a lot of pressure and makes me achy.  The little bit of time I CAN wear him though is nice and I look forward to doing it much more in the future when all is healed and dandy.

6.) Summer SwaddleMe Blankets

So Jack can escape from the best wrapped swaddle...but not these.  He LIKES to be swaddled...and yet tries to get out of it every time.  These things are easy to use and he cant pull his arms out.  They are also a fairly light weight fabric so they are appropriate for summer.  We are a fan.  :)
And here are some things that I THOUGHT would be amazing and that we would use a lot but haven't yet or have tried to use but aren't working as well as we thought...
-Binky.  He takes it but doesn't want it unless he's hungry...and when he's hungry he figures out very quickly that it's not producing milk, spits it out, and screams louder.  haha.  It holds him over...sorta...until I can feed him though.
-Swaddle blankets (those expensive ones from Target).  So we use them...but like I said...the kid breaks his arms out inevitably.  Seriously, I have watched many YouTube videos on how to be the expert swaddler...but he still pulls it off no matter how tight I do it.  Bah. 
-Cloth diapers.  So, we haven't TOUCHED them yet.  Mostly because we are working through our stash of disposables that was gifted to us.  I'm feeling better and have been doing laundry but it's been nice to have the disposables to use.

Monday, July 1, 2013

Here and There

Well, this will not be a word heavy post.  Considering the last one was a novel...time to keep it light.  I am also fighting mastitis for the SECOND time.  Yeah.  Awesome.  I'm trying to kick it once again without the use of antibiotics...but the fever is a little more intense this time.  So you can pray for that.  :) are some pictures! Just a little Jack Jack for your Monday morning.

Doesn't he just look like a little beetle?!?  I just love him.  :)

I look like death. haha.  Jason has actually been a little worried about my paleness.  I feel ok...labor just took it out of me I guess.
Those looooooooooong toes are so from his mama.  :)