Moving.

Well folks.

The time has come. 
We are....moving!

For real.  Like out of our house.  Out of San Francisco.  About 98% sure...out of California <<sniff>>

To........

ARIZONA!

I'm still a little in shock.
Okay, a lot in shock.

I always tell people, "I could be happy anywhere.  California isn't the ONLY place in the world to live and be happy in."

But now that it's here.
I think I lied to all those people.

Ha!

Ok.  That's dramatic.

So...
basically the story is that a week ago was Jason's last day of teaching at UC Berkeley.  On that SAME day there was an offer waiting in his email from ASU (Arizona State University).  Talk about waiting until the very end to get a new offer.  That weekend we talked about it, weighed our options (not many since at this point this is our only offer).  Jason flew to Phoenix, AZ last Tuesday...was there for two days, did a whirlwind tour, saw a bunch of houses, filled out some applications, saw the campus, and came back to SF.

Today we received word that we have a house waiting for us when we get there (a HOUSE! A 3 bd 2 bath, double car garage...with a backyard and patio...a house.  Basically blows.my.mind.)  I love how the landlord emailed me when we were first communicating and lining things up for Jason to fly in and see it and he was all, "Well, it's only 1100 sq ft."  Bahahaha.  Um.  Try under 500 sq ft.  Yeah.  That's what we are living with.  1100 sq ft sounds like a straight.up.mansion.  Perspective I tell ya, perspective.  :)

Anyways, we have given notice to our landlord and will be moving out of our house here in San Francisco the beginning of January.  Arizona is looking pretty sure as of now...and yet I still feel like I won't believe it until we are packed and on the road.  I guess if it's not Arizona it's, "Hello Mom and Dad!" at this point.  haha. 

So guys!
We have a lot to do in a very short amount of time.  You can definitely be praying for us.  ;)  I feel a little overwhelmed at what needs to happen.  Finances are always something too.  Moving is expeeeeeensive.

Anyways, so that's our big news.  Such a praise that Jason was offered such a great position.  It's a position in a large program that has lots of room for growth and future success. And though it's not California...it's really quite affordable.  It definitely seems like a much better fit financially for a teacher and a stay at home mom.  A little more appropriate then San Francisco...that's for sure!

So thanks for reading along and following our journey.  Probably won't be updating this space until we are situated...and have internet.  :)

See you in Arizona I guess...yikes!  :)

A Rainy Day

Guys!

I am....get this...BORED!

I should probably sit an savor this moment because wasn't I JUST writing about how things have felt a little too chaotic and busy right now?  Well, it's pouring rain.  Jack is napping.  The house is actually kinda clean.  Well, the bathroom needs to be cleaned but I'm not THAT bored.  :)  And I can't work because I'm missing two major things I need to go to the store for.

Sooooo....
I guess I will sit here with my decaf coffee topped with an embarrassingly large amount of whipped cream and enjoy the down time.

I really have nothing to blog about so why not do some 20 random questions eh? 

1. What was the last thing you threw in the garbage/recycling?
That would be the paper towel that I used to eat my meatloaf sandwich.  The best part of having meatloaf for dinner is most definitely the meatloaf sandwich you get to have for lunch the next day.

2.  What’s the #1 most played song on your iPod?
Um, I apparently live like it's 1990 still and do not own an iPod...nor listen to music on earbuds...ever.  Though I did have Spotify up and was listening to some Christmas music.

3.  What is your favorite quote?
Oooh, that's a hard one.  There are so many...
I recently came across this one and found it SO powerful...and hard to live...but isn't this precisely what Christ did for us???
“No sacrifice which a lover would make for his beloved is too great for us to make for our enemy.”
― Dietrich Bonhoeffer, The Cost of Discipleship

4.  What chore do you absolutely hate doing?
Definitely the dishes.  The bathroom isn't great but it's more the bathtub that I have a problem with.  :)

5. What is your favorite form of exercise?
What's exercise?  Ha!  Seriously.  I've basically kissed this goodbye until my kids are older.  As sad as that is since I LOVE exercise.  So I'd say...climbing, cross country mountain biking, and trail running are all neck and neck.  Oooh...and surfing.  Hmmm.  I think they all just sound glorious right now since I'm not able to do them!  :)

6. What is your favorite time of day/day of the week/month of the year?
Favorite time of day is about 2 hours after I've woken up.  I love the morning...but after I have some caffeine flowing through me.  Favorite day of the week is Saturday since we usually do something fun as a fam...though I genuinely love going to church on Sunday...and not just because they serve donuts.  ;)  As for month.  It's a toss up between December and July.  :)

7.  What is on your bedside table?
Felt.  I'm sure that doesn't surprise you.  Also a plate that I put my rings on and my glasses.

8.  What is your favorite body part?
Uh?  That's a weird one.  My mouth so that I can shovel food into it.

9.  Would you use the power of invisibility for good or evil? Elaborate.
Hopefully good.  I mean I DO love Jesus and all.  :)

10.  If you could choose to stay a certain age forever, what age would it be?
Probably 28.  I think you kinda know something at 28 but it's before your body starts to really go downhill.  I feel like in Heaven we should all be between 24-28...but with the wisdom on an 85 year old.  :)

11.  What is the first thing you would do if you won the lottery?
Probably question HOW I managed to WIN the lottery.  But that aside.  I would get rid of it.  Give a huge chunk away.  Buy a house and a couple of cars for us.  Tuck what we need away for college for kids and retirement.  And if there's anything left...give that away too.  Having hoards of money to spend freely just seems like a bad idea.  Especially when you didn't actually earn it.  :)

12.  What is your biggest pet peeve?
People who smack when they eat. 

13.  If you could know the answer to any question, what would it be?
There are way too many to mention.  Most of them are philosophical ones that involve God and His relationship to us.  And I'm okay not knowing.  But I can't wait to find out in Heaven one day.  :)

14.  At what age did you become an adult?
Once you have kids.  Or once you enter the real world and start paying bills, have a career and etc.  I still don't feel like an adult most of the time ha!

15. Recommend a book, movie, or television show in three sentences or less.
I haven't read a book in a while.  Too busy...but also the one's I want aren't at the library requiring me to buy them.  Though I hope to be getting some gems for Christmas.  I've got nothing for you on the TV/movie front.

16.  What did you do growing up that got you into trouble?
Took my grandma's car for a joy ride at 15 and crashed it.  Awesome sauce.

17. What was the first album you bought with your own money?
No Doubt- Tragic Kingdom!  Yesssss! 

18.  If someone wrote a book about you, what would be the title?
"Anna"  No.  I don't know.  That's a hard one.

19.  What story do you wish your family would stop telling about you?
I like them all.  Who doesn't like to hear stories about how awesome they were as a kid?  Because...you know...there are no bad stories about me.  There was that one time though when I was 15...something to do with my grandma's car...  :)

20.  True or false: The unicorn is the greatest mythical creature. State your case.
Wait, unicorns are mythical?  :)


Well now...wasn't that just ever so enlightening?!?
Yes.  You are welcome.  :)

It's a...

GIRL it's a GIRL oh me oh my!  :)

Well, it's a girl.
We found out today during what turned out to be the world's looooongest ultrasound.  Holy cow.  With Jack we went in, he was in the perfect position, he barely moved, we got all the measurements and DONE.  Everything went perfectly.

This little one was basically having a dance party of one in my uterus.  The ultrasound tech was definitely having a hard time getting the shots she needed.

While most things did seem to be okay they are making me come back for another ultrasound.
Boo and yay!  I mean, ultrasounds are definitely cool!  But they want to double check a couple of things which isn't exactly a yay!

Basically the babe's bladder never filled and emptied during the loooooong ultrasound.  So, they want me to come back in a couple of weeks to see if it does.  Apparently it's part of the "checklist".  There is also another shot of the heart that they want to get.  Not sure if there's something weird that they want to double check or if they just had trouble getting the shot because of her movement.  I didn't ask.  I figure there isn't much I can do and why worry over something that might be fine. 

So there you have it.
We are adding some pink up in here!  :)
Well...maybe corals and pretty teals.  I mean...I don't hate pink.  Pink is fine.  I just tend to migrate more toward the pastels and other more feminine colors. 

Anyways, glad I got to sit down here and type a little something out.  I feel like things have just been a little crazy lately.  Jack, the Etsy stuff, Jason's job ending, Christmas preparations, mom's group, church, keeping up on the house, appointments, errands...  At the end of the day I put Jack to bed and sit down in my "grandma armchair" and often think..."this is the first time I've sat down all day."  It's been a struggle to just...be.  I need that quiet down time to myself but it just hasn't been happening lately.  It's a season though.  I'm sure things will calm down soon.

And because everyone says girls are SO much more fun to dress then boys (though I enjoy dressing Jack) I must say that I can't wait for things like...THIS!  Adorable little headbands.   SO cute!  ;)


Harper and Paisley - Etsy

So...a little girl it is!  If you think of me you can say a little prayer for us.  For me especially.  Feeling a little run down and also for any anxiety that I am feeling/will feel regarding needing to go back for another ultrasound.  I mean...I know it's PROBABLY nothing...but your mind definitely has a "mind of it's own" in situations like this, you know?

Ok, I'm off to go zone out.  The TV is a perfect tool for that.  :)

Some Random Things to Note

So...

if you missed the last post.
You should go read it.

Assuming you've done that...onward!

So.  Pregnancy the 2nd time around?
Well.  It definitely moves a lot faster.  At this point at least.  I'd say the first 10 weeks felt like an eternity because things were just very uncertain.  But yes...I can imagine that 40 weeks will be here in a blink.  Chasing a crazy toddler around and trying to manage everything else I guess makes the days and weeks go by fast.

Are we finding out the gender?  Yes.  I wanted it to be a surprise but I could tell that I was pressuring Jason into agreeing with me...and not really listening to what he ACTUALLY wanted to do.  We wives aren't ever guilty of that right? ha!  Anyways, I just let him decide and he wants to find out.  Apparently if there is ever a baby #3 (3????) then that one can be a surprise.  :)  We find out though in just under 2 weeks!  I've been having a lot of "girl thoughts" lately but we will see.  ;)

How am I feeling?  This pregnancy was different.  With Jack I was sick right at 4 weeks and basically sick from sun up to sun down...with a small reprieve between 2-4pm.  I wasn't totally sick all day with this pregnancy but when I was it was much more intense and debilitating then with Jack...and it started at around 6 weeks instead.  Even now I am completely repulsed by the smell/idea of eating sautéed onions and garlic.  Blaaaak.  With Jack's pregnancy I has ZERO increase in appetite.  I probably ate less actually then I normally do.  With this one during the 1st tri I was hungry alllllll the time.  But for specific, horribly unhealthy things...along side strong aversions to a lot of foods.  Lovely.  I feel like my appetite has leveled out a bit and I'm slowly able to eat things again...but no onions and garlic.  Also I dealt a lot with headaches this time around.  And ice water.  Ice water was so delicious...and still is.  I normally prefer my water room temp but not with this pregnancy. 

Weight/size?  I feel huge already.  Looking at the picture I took of me last week at Target though it seems about the same as my pregnancy with Jack.  I just feeeeeel bigger I guess.  Things are more achey and ouchy...but that could be because of the 26 lb toddler I pick up far too often.  I also threw out my back a couple of days ago.  That's been interesting.  :)

So with Jack I had the best, most even complexion I've ever had.  My hair was rockin' too!  This pregnancy....not so much.  Pimples are making their presence known and my hair...doesn't seem to have improved or diminished.  It's just the same ole hair...but growing a bit faster.  I forget how fast your fingernails grow...and how little your leg hair grows.  I'm liking the lack of leg hair.  :)

A couple of people have asked what Jack thinks about the pregnancy.  He has no clue.  I should probably start talking to him about the idea of a baby.  I figure we have plenty of time.  In a few months he might actually understand what we are talking about a bit more.  :)

And that's it.  The latest on the bump. 
Am I the only one that loves the bump?  I mean...I just think they are so amazing and represent something truly beautiful.

Oh...and I just thought you should know that I decided that it was a good idea to store a few things in my in-law's attic...including my maternity clothes.  When you have a 6 month old though getting pregnant again seems like a looooooong way off.  Ha!  I had one pair of maternity pants in my closet on accident and let's just say that those pants are getting a lot of use.  Ha!

Ready to go home for Christmas so that I have some clothes again!  :)

This is a good one that you definitely want to read....

I don't even know what to title this.

"Ooops"

"Don't Blog about it Until it's REALLY Been Confirmed and True."
How's THAT for a title?  Ha!

Sooo...
Do you remember THIS post?
It was the post where I gave a little update on what's been going on lately...including an early miscarriage that I "had."

Yeah.

Weeeeeell.

Sike?
April Fools?
JK?

Cause guess what!?!  Still pregnant.

Right?!? 
Your mouth is probably hanging open right now.
Well close it and I will tell you the full story. 

So we found out that we were pregnant on my birthday (Aug 26)!  I thought...oh what an awesome birthday present.  I had a bit of a feeling that something would happen though.  I thought maybe I'd lose it but wasn't sure what to attribute the feeling to.  Maybe I am just paranoid from our first miscarriage.  We found out right at 4 weeks.  At 5 weeks I started spotting and then maybe at 6 weeks or so I had a lot of blood.  This was the "miscarriage" I posted about...a little prematurely.  I thought though that it didn't seem like as much as my first miscarriage before Jack.  I was also farther along with the 1st one then this one.  So I waited for more blood (tmi?).  For the miscarriage to finish.  I went back to spotting.  Sometimes heavier.  Sometimes light.  I figured my body was having trouble finishing the job.

About 3 days after the "miscarriage" that I thought I had/was having I started to get abdominal pain.  It started around 9pm.  It intensified.  I tried to go to bed.  I couldn't.  It got worse and worse.  The pain was horrible.    I threw up, I blacked out at least twice...all on the bathroom floor while the rest of the house slept.  Finally I thought, "What if it's ectopic?"  That would explain the pain, the spotting, etc.  So I called the Triage line at around 1am and asked her what she thought.  She told me, "You're just miscarrying.  Take a high amount of ibuprofen and ride it out."  I of course told her that I've HAD a miscarriage...and though I may BE miscarrying eventually...this is not the moment that it's happening, that it's not that kind of pain.  Basically she seemed annoyed and said, "Well, you can either go to the ER or call your doc tomorrow."  She was confident though that it wasn't ectopic and so with the peace of mind that my fallopian tube wasn't about to explode I went back to my place on the bathroom floor.  (I also chose not to dope up on Ibuprofren...being well aware that you shouldn't take that while pregnant.  There was this small voice inside of me that said...you might still be pregnant...don't take it.  So I didn't.)  Eventually the pain intensified in one area, peaked, and subsided...and I woke up around 3am on the bath mat to Jack crying.

When I was getting Jack back down that's when it hit me.  The pain was exactly like a ruptured ovarian cyst.  It never even crossed my mind because I was still "technically" pregnant and for whatever reason I figured it wasn't possible to have one happen while pregnant.  I've had maybe 4 or 5 in my life.  This one was absolutely the worst.  Bar none.

The next morning I called my dr. and she was totally concerned and ordered me to the hospital for an ultrasound and blood test.  Because it was so last minute I had nobody to watch Jack and Jason was at work.  So off we went.  I still figured that I had lost the baby.  So, I was called in, I had the ultrasound while I tried to appease Jack with every delectable snack I could come up with and lo and behold...there was our itty bitty baby with a HEARTBEAT!  A stinking heartbeat! 

I was floored.
I immediately texted Jason and he was in awe.

Blood tests came back fine.  All was more or less fine.  I was still spotting though which they didn't love and considered me high risk. 

So at 8 weeks I went to my first actual prenatal appt with my doctor and everything was good.  Except that I ended up having an Asymptomatic Strep B UTI???  Go figure.  I've had to take two rounds of antibiotics for that (and I'm still waiting for the results to see if it's FINALLY gone) and I also have to have antibiotics while giving birth.  Boo.

Had my 12 week and 16 week appointment and all has been fine.  The spotting is gone. 

So the sum of it is that nobody REALLY knows what happened that night.  My doctor is assuming that it was a very large cyst.  I guess they have to be pretty big to cause bleeding which I believe since I've never had bleeding with my other ruptured cysts.  The problem is that once I got the ultrasound the cyst was gone so there really was nothing to see.  Whatever happened though it seems to be linked to the bleeding.  It peaked right before that happened and has tapered off since.

And YES!  You can have a ruptured ovarian cyst while pregnant.  FYI.

So.
Phew.

There's the story.  That's the full explanation behind how I thought miscarried (but didn't) and then ended up ok.  Weird but wonderful.  And we thank God so very much for this little one. 

And next time...I'll be a little slower to spout off info on this here blog, ha!

I wasn't sure how long I wanted to wait to let the cat out of the bag.  Honestly I kinda panic every time I tell someone because my mind automatically thinks something might go wrong and that's ONE more person to have to explain it to.  Paranoid much?  I thought I might never tell the internet world and just one day have another baby...but that would probably be a little weird haha. 



So...

WE'RE PREGNANT!

I'm just about 17 weeks along.

Baby is due the very beginning of May!!!  <3

Today is Tuesday

Today...

I need to make a bunch of calls.  When I was in high school I enjoyed talking on the phone.  Now...not so much.  Maybe it's because I'll have to go through a bunch of recordings and "press 1" for blah blah blah's.  Not fun.

I need to send out a few orders.  Last week wasn't nearly as productive as it could have been.  This in turn caused me to have to stay up until 2 am on Sunday night in order to meet some deadlines.  It's amazing how much you can do when you put your mind to it...and usually I realize that it's not so bad to be productive.  You just need to START.  :)

Jack and I are visiting Peek-a-Boo Factory.  It's a large indoor play area.  He really loves it.  It's not the place to go on the weekend because all the bigger kids are there too and he gets mowed over.  During school hours though...perfection.  Although he's learning about "sharing".  He's actually yet to steal a toy from another kid but man has he been the brunt of it.  Unfortunately he's really good at finding the toy that NO kid is playing with...and then making it look fun I guess?  And then they immediately steal it from him.  What do you guys do?  I usually just let it happen and hope a parent is paying attention to intercede.  Confession: a huge part of me wants to be like "hey you, give my kid back that toy".  ;)  Ha!

I desperately need to find some time to sit, and pray...and be.  Where will I find such time?  Not a clue.  I am normally a very easy going, roll with the punches person but I have been battling some anxiety as of late.  Maybe it's good for me to experience this.  Gives me a small glimpse of what it's like to walk in other people's shoes.  There are many things that I'm having trouble giving to the Lord and just...being okay with.  My how anxiety robs your joy.  I just want it to...go away.  But it's not.  It seems here to stay for now.

I will most likely enjoy some Celestial Seasons Country Peach tea.  I am rediscovering tea.  I used to love it and lately Jason has been requesting some.  It's nice to sip in the evening.  The peach tea though...with a squirt of honey.  Yum.  And the smell?!  Well, that alone is enough to win me over.  :)

I need to find a place to get some cheap fleecy footie pj's for Jack.  Am I right or is there ALWAYS something to buy for kids?  Sheesh.  The nights are getting colder and apparently babies don't use blankets so some warm footies are needed.  And how cute are toddlers running around in footie pj's?

And that concludes my Tuesday.  Not too interesting eh? 

And some random of photos of this last month have been dispersed throughout for your viewing pleasure.  :)  Enjoy!

Conversations We Have. :)

Jason and I heard a sermon last Sunday that got us chatting about...well, what happens when things aren't going peachy keen.

Like why do we suffer?
Why do we have every day annoyances that really just seem pointless?
Why do we lose our job?
Why do we get sick?
Why are there evil atrocities?
Why? Why? Whhyyyyyy?

I mean, I KNOW the answers to these things.  I really do.  I'm sure you do.  I've been told it 100 times but then when it all boils down to it...it's hard to apply.

And honestly those answers just feel insufficient, insensitive, and shallow in the moment.
Like telling someone, "Oh, I'm really sorry you are going through this really terrible thing but you know, God really loves you and He is pruning you and making your stronger and you will look back on this time and be thankful one day."

Um.
Thanks? 
Not!

I started thinking though and realized that THIS is the very thing that brought me to Christianity in the first place.  This is the very thing that made me realize..."Wait, there can be hope?"

I don't really care about all the Christian Sunday school answers in the moment of suffering.
I really don't.  I know they ARE the right answers.  I know that one day they WILL sink in and I most likely WILL look back on times of suffering and say that "Yes, I am glad I experienced that."

But in the moment.  It doesn't help much.

What does help me though?
I think it's a general attitude of..."this matters"

The crap matters.
God knows exactly where I'm at...what I'm feeling...and it matters...to Him.
That blows my mind.

Little ole' me. 

The fact that God can use the crap...for His good in the end.  Gives me hope.  The every day annoyances.  The evils in the world.  He can bring good from it and use it all for His glory.  And I'm so glad.

Because otherwise?  What hope do we have?  Why do we suffer?  If God can take all the junk in the world and somehow bring beauty from it.  Well shoot.  I'm all about this God.

Otherwise...it's just suffering, it's just evil, it's just cancer, it's just loss. 
It's just hopeless.
That's it.
There's nothing else.

I'm so glad there is always hope to be found in Christ.  Always!  Even if it's the smallest, faintest little glimmer.  It's there.

And we matter.  Our sufferings matter.  Our anxieties matter.  Our troubles matter.

And it's so humbling.
And so beautiful.

****************

And THAT my friends...is a glimpse into Jason and I's conversation last Sunday.  Aren't we sooooo deep?!?  ;)  Ha!

Lately: A Friday Post

Happy Friday friends!

Jason has a little lull between his sessions and thus has FOUR days straight off...which is straight up glorious.  He's been out of the home about 12-13 hours of the day lately and this Mama is tired...and would like to see the guy for more then a hour a day.  :)

• So let's start this out right and talk about the fruit fly that has been plaguing my life lately.  Seriously.  It's been flying around our house for the last week and the thing is so wispy and hard to see that I can't follow it to kill it.  It's always buzzing around my face when I'm trying to eat.  Then I put my hands up all stealth like, smack them together and say, "HaHA!  I GOT you this time...only to see that no...it has once again evaded me."  It's going down.
• Jason has ONE month left of his job.  ONE.  I'm really trying my best not to panic.  I mean I'm not really a panicky person.  For the most part it is easy to trust God.  He has been so very faithful to us and why would He stop now?  But then I start thinking...usually at night.  Things are so much worse at night right?  Jack has been doing these once a night wakeups (not every night though) and he's just now getting a little separation anxiety.  Am I right or is it waaaaay harder to let them cry it out when they are older?  When they are crying out "maaammmaaa".  Basically I'm not tough enough.  So I try to put him down on his own and if he can't handle the thought of me leaving his side (ha!) I will go back in and lay next to his crib.  Apparently that's enough.  Sooooo tangent.  It's during these moments where I can start freaking out.  Like what if he doesn't find a job?  Unemployment isn't enough to keep us in our rental alone.  Do I need to find a job?  Will we move back down south?  How will Jack handle it?  Blah blah blah.  Lovely eh?
• It's feeling like fall.  The air has changed.  It has that little crisp punch and the sunlight looks...fallish.  I think we may be staying here in SF for Thanksgiving.  It's just a lot to go down south for both Thanksgiving and Christmas.  A lot of $$$.  Especially not knowing our financial future.  See above point.  :)  SOOOO...that means I will be making our Thanksgiving dinner which I'm not going to lie...I'm a leetle excited for.  Boo yah!  Have any amazeball recipes?
• Parenthood.  Do you guys watch it?  I do...when I can stay awake.  I've been watching them online because apparently I can't make it to 10pm worth beans.  I'm so sad it's ending.  And I really want to watch last nights episode.  :)
• Can I just say that I think Jack is hilarious.  I mean, I know he's my kid but I am genuinely entertained by him most of the day.  The way his mind works cracks me up.  Like he tries to "hide" from me.  He goes and squats in a place that is quite visible...but tucks his head down so his chin is touching his chest.  Apparently if he can't see me...then I surely can't see him.  Ha!
• So I have hoards of scrap felt.  Anyone got a good idea on what I could do with it...other then chuck it.  Because that's what I'm about to do.  :)

And that concludes my bullet post.  Hope everyone have a maaaarvelous weekend. 

Happy Things for a Wednesday

Halloween orders are doooooone and I feel so free!  I can't forget that there are still pending orders...just not that have to be there by Friday. ha!  I can't totally sit back and relax.  But for a day I definitely did.  :)

Honestly lately I've been dealing with some anxiety.  I mean, not like REAL paralyzing anxiety.  More like the unsettled heart type of anxiety.  The type of anxiety where you are trying to hold on tight to things instead of giving them to the Lord.  One of which is Jason's job that is ending in 1 1/2 months.  And we still haven't received an offer. 

SO!

Let's think about some happy things that I am loving right now.  Sound good? 

-freshly carved pumpkins
-a 16 month old who doesn't understand why you can't eat the pumpkin "guts".  I mean...you use a spoon and all to scoop it out.  Spoons=food. 
-a little bit of "crisp" in the air...that sorta makes it actually feel like fall.
-yummy smelling candles (I am highly partial to Yankee candles bought cheap at Marshalls)  :)
-oranges in a teal bowl
-freshly brushed teeth
-craft stores
-red and orange mums by my front door
-clean sheets
-early Christmas shopping.  Last year I waited until the last minute and it certainly wasn't as enjoyable.
-cake with sprinkles
-creating
-homemade chicken noodle soup
-an empty sink and clean kitchen...which has been a rare sight lately.  :)
-toys trains and cars zooming over every surface in the house...even my face sometimes.
-crayons.  Jack loves them...and I secretly do too! ;)
-blogging.  I feel like I've been a bit busy lately but I'm enjoying it...still.
-Jack's Halloween costume which is uh-dorable if I do say so myself.
-encouraging strangers.  I've had many people in San Francisco stop me and tell me that being a Mom is the most important/valuable thing there is. 
-Little legs that are too short for all his pants.  Cuffed jeans on a baby...melt my heart.

And that's it for now!  Happy Hump Day everyone.  :)

Sweatpants and Underwear

How's THAT for a title?

I mean...any title that mentions "underwear"?  I'm all over that post.  Oooh, will it be scandalous?  Will it be funny?

Well, not to disappoint buuuut...this post is kinda neither of these.

They are the two things I bought at Target today.
And can I say...there are some purchases that you never regret.

I have bought MANY clothing items and then in turn took them back upon further reflection.  You just don't reeeeally need some things...no matter how cute/cheap they may be.

But the perfect pair of sweatpants...ones that you MIGHT even be able to get away with wearing outside of the house...paired with the right shirt and shoes.
And new, full-bummed comfy cotton chones.

There is just no regret.
Especially when bought at Target.  Where the prices are "cheap".  Mostly at least.

And we won't even mention the fact that I haven't bought new underwear since before I was pregnant with Jack...BEFORE!  So wrong.  And TMI.  But take it or leave it because I'm willing to bet that I'm not the only one who is in this boat.

So.  There you have it.
Want to feel like a million bucks?  Want to feel super comfy and cozy and happy about a purchase you made?

Go buy some new sweats and a pack of cotton undergarments.
Yeah...I buy mine in packs.
I'm classy like that.
Take that Victoria Secret!

And just for a little reference...in case you want to be choney twinsies...these are the one's I got and seriously the bomb.  Yes, they are worth bringing back that word for.  Unless you are my Dad who still actively uses it like it's 1999.  Probably not in regard to his underwear though.  Love you Dad!

Hanes Cotton Boyfriend Underwear
Oh so Comfy, Borderline Wear them in Public Sweats (that's the advertised name right?!?)

P.S. The sweats are way cuter in real life.  :)

P.P.S Not a paid advertising...not that you thought so because let's be real and honest here and say it like it is...Target does not know my blog exists...and I'm a-ok with that.

The Missing Debit Card (insert sad face)

Can I tell you how many posts I have waiting in my draft box?!?

THREE!

And why are they not posted for all to see?

Because I have apparently turned into a crotchety, cranky lady who is apparently a little negative at the moment. 

You don't want to be reading that.
So be thankful that I have even a speck of discernment and chose to let them simmer as drafts...where they belong!  :)

Anyways, what's up guys?!?
How you been?
Good good.

Just thought I'd let you know that I lost my debit card today...stellar.
Well, it was yesterday.
Sometime after Safeway but before I got home.
Really that leaves the library.  Plllleeease be there pleeeease!

Yeah, I figured this out when I was at the pharmacy counter trying to pay for my SECOND set of UTI antibiotics.  Because the 1st set didn't work.  And of course this set is more because they always recommend the cheap generic thing first and when that doesn't work they bust out the big guns...and big guns COST MORE!  And can we talk about how annoying it is to make a wasted trip when you have a kid?  I mean the loading and unloading of the carseat (is carseat really TWO words?) almost makes me want to poke out my left eye.  I mean seriously.  Public trans guys.  What will I do if we ever move from this place?  I'll actually have to put children in carseats EVERY time I need to run an errand.  And what if we have more then ONE child?!?  Aaaaaaaahhh!  Worst nightmare.

Oh well.  Wasn't able to pay for the antibiotics, went home to look for card, couldn't find it, realized the 3 things that HAD to be done today...all that involved money.  Loaded Jack in the car, trucked across town to my bank...which is at USF and has NO parking, finally got cash, went and ran my errands and was some how able to keep Jack awake even though it was totally passed his nap time.  Score. 

So that's been my day so far.  Still haven't gone back to get the antibiotics.  That's saved for after Jack wakes up.  Phew.

Anyways, just thought I'd stop by this little space and make my presence known.  Still hanging in there.  My pending Halloween orders are a leetle long and slightly overwhelming but they are getting done...and I'm still having fun :)! 

And that's it.
No pictures.
Just a bunch of nonsense words.
But you know you liked it.

I'm out!

***DEBIT CARD FOUND!!!  And would you like to know where?!?  At the stinking pharmacy that I supposedly originally realized that I had "lost" my debit card.  I basically feel like an idiot.  I know exactly what happened.  I took my debit card out to pay...where she then proceeded to ask for my insurance card.  I guess I set down my debit card to look for the insurance card.  Then went to take my debit card out of my wallet...again.  And thought that it wasn't there and that I had lost it.  When I went to pick up my Rx this evening they had taped my debit card to my meds.  Duuuuh.  The best part is that I verbally said, "Oh no!  I don't have my debit card!!!"  Looked for it, told her I had to run home to get it, and THEN LEFT IT ON THE COUNTER right in front of the lady.  She probably thought I was the biggest doof ever.  The ONLY thing that half makes me feel better is the fact that the counter had this weird ad on it that was the exact same color as my debit card...so you know, it was totally camouflaged ;).  That and I was making sure that my crazy 16 month didn't pull down all the bottles of cough syrup and start "organizing" them.  So you know...there WAS the distraction factor.  So there you have it.  The debit card is found.  And I feel a little dumb.  But it's found sooooo, I'll take it!

A Little on Working From Home

So...

You probably know about my little Etsy shop (link on the right side of my blog page).  I've had it up and going for a couple of years.  It's evolved a bit for sure.  Back before Jacko came along I was working full time while my husband was in grad school.  As a bit of a creative outlet I opened a little Etsy shop.  It had a few bags, zippered pouches...nothing crazy.  I would sell one every couple of months...at the most.  I was NOT invested in it at all.  Eventually I just did nothing with it.  It just....sat.  I mean, who really wants to work 40 hours a week...plus an almost 1.5-2 hour commute round trip on TOP of that...and then come come and do MORE work?  Um.  Nobody.

Then Jack came along and I dropped my work down to part time.  Then eventually I quit altogether to stay home with the little guy...and let the husband bring home the bacon instead.

We kept this up for a while.  Then Jack's birthday came along and I decorated his party with lots of felt items.  They were a hit.  Jason in particular loved them.  :)  Soon after that it seemed like a good idea to try to figure out a way to bring in a little income on my end.  We have Jason's grad school student loan and the university system pay is a little weird...slightly irregular.  It seemed like a good idea to find something that brought in a little income during the long stretches between Jason's pay checks.

I applied to a few work from home jobs.  One looked really promising...but I didn't get it.

Jason kept telling me to post my felt stuff to Etsy.  I kept putting it off.  Finally I did.  And it did well.

So that's where we are at.

And how is it going?!?

Good...?
I mean YES...good, great, I feel very blessed!

I think though that some how there is this glorified idea that all your problems will be solved by finding a job where you can work from home...not putting your babies in daycare or whatever.  You can sit back, do your work while your children play blissfully at your feet...ALL while making money. HAHAHAHA!

But you know?  It's not that fantastic always. (Surprise, surprise)
Sometimes I think that maybe Jack would be better off in daycare then at home with me while I try to work.  He'd definitely get more attention that's for sure!  I try to keep my work to his nap times and after he goes to bed but if I get too many orders stacked up then I'm forced to work during the day.  I make an extra effort to still leave the house and go to the park but yeah...he has to entertain himself at times...which means that a) my house falls victim to his boredom and b) there is usually a fair amount of whining because let's face it...15 month old's don't exactly entertain themselves well...at least MINE doesn't.  :)

I mean, don't get me wrong...I love that I can stay home with him and make some money.  I love that we can save money by not putting him in daycare.  But...it's not always a perfect situation.  Like everything.  I guess I just want to be real and honest about it.  I'm guessing I'm not the only one who thought that there was something altogether magical and beautiful about working from home?

In the end I feel very blessed and if I HAD to choose I would choose this situation over working outside of the home but it's still...work?!?  I will say it's very gratifying work.  It definitely feels special to receive so much praise from people after receiving their orders.  Sometimes I just want to throw in the towel and then I'll get an email that makes it all worth it.

So maybe the moral of all this is...nothing comes easy, but there is a lot of gratification in fighting through the hard stuff.  I feel proud that I'm helping to contribute to my family (mostly because I HAVE to ha!).  I also hope that Jack will one day understand that a little hard work is okay.  Sometimes you just have to put your nose down and grind it out.  And there is so much more joy in it when you do it with a glad heart and without complaining (still working on that one ahem).  And maybe I won't work one day?!?  Maybe I'll keep doing it?  Who knows.

For now though...
I just feel a little blessed that God chose to allow me to serve my family in this way.

NOTE:  If you ever do start a work from home gig I think it's REALLLLLLLY important that you sometimes get away from everything for a few hours and just...relax.  When I worked part time I didn't feel this need quite so much.  There was something about the fact that I was away from home and away from Jack that sorta made me able to cope better.  This probably sounds odd.  I think it was almost a bit of a "break" in it's own way (mostly because I worked very part time and my job wasn't stressful...and ended when I left the office).  The thing with working at home is you are doing TWO jobs at the same time (mothering and working).  Something about the constant, mixing of the two jobs is really exhausting.  I literally was at a breaking point last weekend and I just needed to LEAVE.  I needed to leave the house and do something completely and totally relaxing.  So I did.  I got a pedicure which I have done twice in my life.  But it's what I needed.  I literally sat there and just zoned...and read.  So yeah.  Taking a break is a valuable, necessary thing.  :)

Mama Confessions

So first off there are about 10 OTHER things I could be doing right now...that are way more productive but instead...I sit here.  Eating chips and salsa.  Typing away.  Meh.

I've been thinking lately about how it's funny the way I've sorta "evolved" as a mother.  Before you have kids you think you will do things a certain way.  Then you HAVE the kid...and it all goes out the window.  So here are my confessions.  10 things that are "questionable" that I do as a mother...

10. At least 2...maybe 3 times Jack has played in the backyard and had completely filthy hands.  He comes in, sits in his highchair for dinner, and goes to town eating with his hands.  About 5 minutes into the meal I notice just how gross his hands are but you know...at that point...the damage is done.  So...eat up little buddy.  Dirt never hurt anyone (that I know of and if it ever HAS...just let me remain ignorant please :) )

9.  Pretty sure Jack slept on the same sheet for at least a month once.  I can remember to change our sheets...because I sleep in them.  And usually when I change OUR sheets, he's napping soooo...yeah not going to touch that.  Just can't remember to change his.  One day friends...one day.

8.  On that note.  Back in the day Jack would sometimes leak through his diaper at night.  When this happened I would change his pj's and his diaper and then throw a thick blanket over the peed on sheet so that he could sleep dry again.  Way too tired to mess with changing his sheet in the middle of the night.  Plus, he gets really mad if you set him down on the floor when he's half awake.  Like really mad.  So, our system worked...more or less.  Once though Jason pulled the blanket out of the crib not knowing my system and I proceeded to put Jack into bed TWO nights...on a dry pee pee sheet...before I remembered that the sheet had been peed on.  He had sweet pee scented dreams for two nights.  :-p

7. I let my kid watch TV.  And he loves it.  And I don't feel guilty.  I mean not hours on end but yeah...a half hour here and there.  Bring it.

6.  We have one bottle because Jack breastfed for the first year of his life.  Now he takes his milk before naps and bed in that one bottle.  Sometimes I don't wash it out after every use.  Sometimes I just rinse it, make sure it looks mostly clean and call it good.

5.  Jack eats a decent amount of fruits and vegetables but...he eats processed food too.  Like graham crackers...and gold fish crackers...and other things I can't even think of.  Again.  I feel no guilt.

4.  I don't always seat belt him into the cart.  First the seat belt placement on those carts at the store are really weird.  Second...he's not a jump ship type of kid.  Doesn't move from his spot.  Third, I'm close enough to him that I would imagine I'd see what he's doing before he gets out (I don't ever walk away from the cart leaving him there).  One day I'm sure I won't be able to get away with this buuuut...I do it.

3.  When Jack drops his binky I blow it off and call it good....even in public.  Exception to that rule...downtown SF streets, public restrooms, and Muni (public trans).  Blak.

2.  Sometimes I give into his wants just because he is SO DARN CUTE and how do you say no to that oogy boogy cutey baby weetle wuver face?!?  I also figure now is the time to spoil a kid if I'm going to do it.  He doesn't remember much and it'll be too expensive to indulge with more then one child.  :)

1b.  I start looking forward to Jack's bedtime at oh...4:00pm.  It's funny how you can love someone SO much and simultaneously want to be away from them haha.  Even more so do I love seeing that little bouncy face in the morning...as long as it's after 7am.  :)

1a.  This one deserves two parts.  On the weekends I sometimes fake being deep asleep when Jack wakes up at the butt crack of dawn.  Jason is a much lighter sleeper and will usually wake up and get him...though I know he would LOVE to sleep in.  Sshhhh.  Don't tell.  (Sometimes it IS legit though.  Those nights at least when I stay up way too late doing orders.)

And that's it!  10...well 11 Mama Confessions.  :)

My 15 Month Old

SO I have a few drafts just chillin on my blog list.  I just feel...uninspired?  Not sure what to write about you know?  I was trying to take some pictures of Jack for this post buuuuuut....it just ain't happening so I'm posting it anyways.  :)

Okay, so he's technically a little older then 15 months buuut...close enough.

Thought it was time to do a little update on our little man.
So, it feels like yesterday that I was doing his one year update.  My how time flies.  Do I sound like a broken record or WHAT?!?

He's really into anything that could possibly be hot.  He touches it lightly and says "Ha"...in his little baby Jack voice.  Soooo cute.  The car seat, the outside of the oven, our coffee cups, any and all food that we feed him.  Love it.

We are adding more words to the vocab.  I use words loosely because it seems to be the first half...leaving off the end.  We know what he's saying though.  :)

The 15 month disposition is just soooo sweet.  Really he's been such a happy little guy for the last few months.  He's just...easy to be around.  :)  There was a little blip in there where he got 4 molars at the same time.  But other then that, so fun to hang out with day in and day out.

He LOVES being outside.  And being among other people.  There was a phase where I thought he was shy.  No.  Not anymore.  He waves and blows kisses to pretty much every store clerk he can find.  If we've been inside too long he will go get my shoes...well usually Jason's shoes but...shoes so that we can go outside.  He loves to go on walks in his stroller and LOVES to play at the park.  There is a toddler park that we frequent often that's all fenced in and size appropriate.  Sometimes the local preschool comes over and uses it and Jack is basically in heaven.  I used to get bugged when they would come and take over.  Now he's big enough that it's fun to be able to see him have other interactions with little kids.

Dare I say...he's showing perfectionist tendencies.  This makes me laugh because he did NOT get that from me.  He places his sippy just right on his highchair tray.  He lines things up neatly and is so careful with every task.  He likes a clean face, clean hands, and clean bum.  There was a box that he bumped and it had fallen over.  He was trying to push it back up and it was fine...but not exactly how it was originally.  He was so annoyed that it wasn't going back to the original spot.  Funny I tell you.  I have no idea how genetics and this sort of thing works but these tendencies are most definitely from Jason.  :)

Elmo.  Elmo the Musical in particular.  And you know...they are actually a little entertaining to me too.  Really we just love PBS kids.  And it's saved us a few times when I had too much work.  I never thought I'd let him watch TV buuuuut you do what you gotta do.  :)  But he get's genuinely excited and an hour of Sesame Street  or Daniel Tiger here and there certainly won't turn him into a vegetable.

Coloring.  I got Jack a spiral bound notebook and the little guy LOVES to "color".  He has a little trouble if I leave the house without him but I can always ask him if he wants to color...set him all up...and off I go.  "Adios Mama!  I'm coloring!"  :)

We are in this absurdly compliant stage where if we tell him "no" he actually doesn't do it.  Or if we ask him to clean up...he'll GLADLY do it.  Ha!  How long will THIS last?!?  I put a status on Facebook though concerning how often I feel like I tell Jack no.  Sometimes if I call out Jack's name he will reply with a "no no"...even if he's doing nothing wrong.  It's very cute...and sad at the same time. We are trying to think of alternatives...and have been using them.  Of course Jack knows what they still mean and still says, "no no" in reply.  Oh well.  Hopefully him hearing no too often won't kill him.  I've been trying to be encouraging too.  Like do activities where I won't be saying no.  The park and the backyard are good ones.  There isn't much he can get in trouble with in those two places.

GROWING!  The boy is growing like crazy.  I just switched out some clothes.  Actually I feel like his clothes have lasted a decent amount of time but his SHOES.  So I bought a pair of Converse maybe a month ago but ONE shoe is already too small.  And I don't understand why just one!?!  I don't put socks on him and you can see the little footprint inside.  One is fine but with the other his big toe is pushing up against the end.  Gah.  I feel torn too on what shoe to get next.  I want to keep with the soft sole more or less.  His feet are so wide that when I pull his foot out of the Converse his toes are smooshed together.  I just don't want to mess with that little baby foot quite yet.  These decisions you deal with as a mother!  Ha!!!

Aaaaaaand.  I think that's it.  The short list of things he's enjoying...raisins, basically ALL foods (no shrimp though!), his little fire truck, trains, and cars.  He basically has one in each hand at all times.  Remote controls, "helping", hugging, giving kisses, sitting on your lap for stories (he'd do it for daaaaays if we let him), pens and pencils, rocks, turning the dehumidifier off after his nap (we use it as a sound machine too), turning the TV on and off (I can't wait until we move somewhere where we can put it higher!), laptops, tape dispensers, and unrolling TP (ssssh, sometimes I let him indulge a LITTLE when we are in public restrooms!  Ha!  Soooo bad)

And that's it!  Hope everyone had a marvelous weekend!  :)

Keeping it Real

Sigh.

SIIIIIIGGHHHH!  (That was a really awesomely huge cyber sigh...if you couldn't tell.)

Life man.

Life is so good on so many levels.  I mean, I feel like God has been giving me snippets of gratefulness.  Little tidbits that keep me going.  Yesterday as I was walking through the grocery store surrounded by food I thought about how blessed we are to have such resources at our fingertips.  Yesterday's weather was so gloriously PERFECT.   I spent the whole day out and about, pushing my little man in his stroller.  Jack's well baby was easy peasy as always...and there are parents out there who can't say the same thing.  This morning Jack told me he wanted his diaper changed and as I followed him into his room...with his slightly bow-legged baby walk I just felt so thankful for this crazy little guy who makes me so utterly tired...but who makes me Mama.

So, in so many ways it's perspective you know.  I'm big on perspective.

But let's stop sugar coating it eh?
Life.

Life is just hard sometimes.  I mean, I may be more or less healthy, I may have a healthy family, my husband may have a job (kinda haha), I may have a roof over my head but the reality of it all is...life.

Things are too busy around here.  When Jason starts teaching things kinda just...survive.  I don't know if this will always be the case.  Maybe when he's more established in his teaching, school won't be so intrusive.  Or maybe not.  Maybe it's having a little one.  I don't really know what it is.  We just need some time to connect.  I get jaded easily.  Indifference and emotional detachment has been the struggle of.my.life.  It happens so easily for me. 

Then there are things like jobs.  Jobs jobs jobs.  We have applied to so many jobs.  We have had some genuine interest which is better then what I can say about the last time we went through this.  None are local...which is fine.  But one is looking to be out of state and one is looking to be "closer" to family but not really in a place that we imagined raising kids.  These are decisions that eventually need to be made but at this point...I'm just too tired to make.

Tired for so many reasons.  Jack is not sleeping well currently.  He has at least two molars popping through and a cold.  Good combo eh?  Actually, last night he slept through the night for the first time in a couple of weeks.  I attribute this to his shots and him tripping and falling into the laundry hamper cutting his lip (poor baby).  Lots of tears make for a tired baby apparently.

I think I just need some FUN.
You know?!?

I can go go go and do work work work for a really long time and then eventually I start feeling like I'm coming apart at the seams...and the slow process of this isn't pretty.  And the final undoing of myself is just down right ugly.  Even when I do something on my own for an hour or two I still feel...too wound tight.  Like how much of a break do you need to feel like you really start to decompress?  I want to say 2 DAYS!  haha.  The first day to just relax and realize...you're taking a break.  And then the 2nd day to actually have fun. 

Of course I have been barely in the Word lately.  I'm so out of it in the morning and this is my main time to delve into Scripture.  So, my body feels tired and so does my soul.

Phew.

So that's what's really going on lately...and so much more to be 100% honest.

Anyways, we went through a long phase of "ease" in our little family so I'm thankful that though there are valleys...there are mountains too.  This isn't forever.  Time will pass.  Yay for that.

So, thanks for "listening" friends!  :) 
Ya'll the best.

A Friday List :)

1.  Oh my GOSH I need to make Jack's 15 month appt.  Yeah, totally spaced.  He's officially 15 months in two days.  Hopefully they can get him in before next year.  Off to call...  Phew.  Got him in next week.  These appt's are key because I use them to see where he is at weight wise.  We are milking that infant carseat for all it's worth.  :)  He can't use it after 30 lbs!

2. Everything in our house that plugs into a wall has decided to break at the same time.  Or it feels like it.  Both of our laptops are hanging on by a thread (our main one crashes about twice a day).  Would you like to know HOW old they are?  Well, we got them when we were at Cal Poly soooo....at least 10 years old haha.  Nice.  We use things until they are TRULY worn out.  Also, our awesome coffee grinder sorta just shredded itself inside.  So that's dead.  Then our coffee maker made a weird smell and now THAT'S dead.  So, rather then replace it...we are going without.  We grind the coffee at the store and bought two pour overs for $2.50 each.  I would LIKE a Kuerig for Christmas though.  :)

3. Ice water is lovely.  For so long I preferred my water room temp but lately it has been much more appealing to have ice.  Maybe it's because our house is so darn warm.  It's lovely in winter because it's completely cozy...and we don't even have to run the heat.  In the summer...not as nice.  :)  So ice water.  Yum. 

4. We are starting to purge more and more.  Getting rid of stuff that we just aren't using any more.  Mostly sports stuff.  It is looking like we will be moving from San Francisco in January.  Could be wrong.  Some how we just have a lot of...stuff.  We figure if we start going through it now we can actually sell and make some money off if it rather then having it be a mad dash where we donate everything at the last minute.  :)

5. One of Jack's favorite things is having me put his snack of o's and raisins into his little giraffe bowl instead of in the snack trap.  They end up on the floor of course...but he picks them all up and eats them ;)

6. Speaking of Jack...it's time to change his diaper.  Blak.
Back from THAT endeavor.  He decided to PULL the diaper right when I was about to wipe and got poop everywhere, on his legs, my hand.  Of course it was a total nast goopy diaper.  That child.

7. So, remember how I sung the praises of my little home?  I really loved it/do love it.  Buuuuut....I will confess that now that I've started my little handmade biz it's feeling a WHOLE lot smaller ahem.  I can't keep my sewing machine in our bedroom because I'm up later then Jason.  Soooo....we have a new kitchen table center piece.  :)  Needless to say...a bigger living room where I can tuck my workhorse in a corner would be nice.  And let's not talk about the felt that is everywhere!  Yeah...I'd take a little more space.

8. Jack still takes two good naps a day.  I keep thinking that morning nap will be dropped soon...but he's been holding onto it.  You can have that morning nap for as long as you want little guy.  I don't mind one bit!  :)

And that's it!  Hope everyone has a very lovely weekend! 

A Couple of Stories...

Sometimes I feel like a major klutz.  I've been known to take corners too fast and run into walls.  I swear I do embarrassing things all the time...so much so that I don't even think much of it.  Basically every time Jason does something klutzy he says, "That's something YOU would do, not ME."  Yeah yeah.

So, here are a couple of stories.

This first one isn't really my being klutzy so much so as forgetful (I seriously just typed forgetable instead of forgetful and stared at it for 2 minutes trying to figure out why that didn't sound/look right.  Um yeah.)

Episode 1: So a while back we got Jack a new stroller to keep down south in SLO.  It's a Graco stroller with a tray.  The tray though doesn't come down between the legs.  So, in order to ensure that your kid doesn't slide out you have to use the seat belt.  Ahem.  So, I had him seat belted...no problem.  Then I pulled him out to look at books.  When I put him back in it totally slipped my mind to seat belt him.  So, I'm downstairs in Barnes and Noble and I'm pushing the little guy out of the store.  As I'm pushing I start feeling resistance.  So I push more of course...makes total sense.  You see, the canopy was down and I couldn't see what was going on.  After MORE pushing I finally thought, "Did something fall out of the stroller and get caught in the wheel?"  I walk to the front and there is my child with his head on the stroller seat, his arms up by his ears, and basically his whole body hanging out the bottom...with his feet being pulled under the stroller...BECAUSE I KEPT ON PUSHING.  The best part was that there was a lady who was staring horrified.  I picked Jack up and he was totally fine.  I think he was more bummed that he didn't manage to actually escape.  When I got home to tell Jason, the whole scene was suddenly hilarious.  The way Jack looked, the lady's expression.  I laughed so hard I cried, literally cried while retelling it.  Good times man.  Good times.

Episode 2:  We went to a free day at a museum in San Francisco.  It has lots of art and is in general a rather swanky, nice museum.  It is also crazy about food only being eaten in the cafe.  Not even in the lobby where there is no art.  Not even to give a couple of bites of banana to a toddler.  Yeah...I tried.  Anyways, I was worrying about whether it was a good idea to bring Jack.  Turns out I should have worried about myself.  We were in this dead quiet room and there was a tour going on.  I reached under the stroller to grab something...no clue what.  I had to pick up Jack's snack trap for some reason to get to what I needed and apparently the lid wasn't on all the way.  It was of course completely full.  Cheerios went EVERYWHERE.  You would think that Cheerios wouldn't be loud when they fall on the floor.  You are wrong.  They are VERY loud.  Jason looked horrified.  He's such a museum guy...and totally gets embarrassed way easier then me.  So, I bashfully picked them all up and put them back in the trap and then 3 hours later proceeded to forget that they had fallen on the floor and handed them to Jack.  He ate 2 or 3 before I remembered.  Meh.  Just keeping that immune system strong.  :)  Oh, and then after the Cheerio incident I went to the cafe to feed Jack.  When I was walking out I pulled open the huge all-glass door wide enough so that I could get through with the stroller in one fell swoop.  Welp, pulled it way too hard apparently and it SLAMMED open.  I was certain I shattered the thing.  I didn't.  Just got a whole lot of stares.  Yikes.  I knew I didn't like museums.  ;)

And that's just a couple of things recently.  I'm sure there is way more.
I'm hoping I'm not the only one who does these types of things...right???  :)

Oh hey there!

Oh man.

I am alive.  Barely.

So much is going on/has happened.
Some good, some down right poopy, some just crazy.

But we are here.

I guess let's start with the poopy.  I didn't talk about the first miscarriage we had because...I didn't want to.  I was a little raw and in shock...and it wasn't something I was willing to share.  I remember thinking that I could not possibly emotionally survive another one.  Then we had Jack and I felt like there was lots of healing and just...I was ok.  God was there through it.  We survived.  Then a couple of weeks ago on my birthday we got what I thought was a perfect birthday present...a positive pregnancy test!  So exciting! 

A week went by though and it became evident that we wouldn't be seeing this little one on this side of heaven.  Deep in my heart I had a "feeling" that something was going to happen.  Even now I sit here and just...don't know what to feel.  I am very sad and yet...a little confused by the fact that it didn't rock me as hard as our first one.  Maybe it's because it was earlier this time, maybe because I had a strange feeling, maybe because it's hard to be sad with a happy crazy baby running around at your feet.  Maybe I just know that God is good.  I mean...really really is good.  I try to keep the perspective that life is full of good and bad...and yet somehow it is possible to receive good and benefit from BOTH good and bad things.  So...I hug my sweet little boy and thank God for him.  Life is so fragile.  Each baby is a miracle.  It's hard to not "go there" and think, sheesh, 2 out of 3...those aren't very good odds.  Was Jack just a one time miracle?  Will we get to have more babies?  I know, I know.  Not rational.  But it's hard to keep your thoughts in check.  Soooo...that's the latest, and not so greatest.  For some reason I felt the need to share this time.  Not exactly sure why but there it is.

Completely different subject.  A couple of weeks ago we got a job offer that we REALLY wanted to take but it literally involved us picking up and moving in less then 2 weeks to Los Angeles.  We were so tempted and yet...it just wasn't doable.  We really love the position and apparently there is a chance another position will open in January.  So be praying that this is the case because that would be perfect timing!  :)

Etsy.  This could be a whole blog post on it's own.  I am basically overwhelmed with orders.  Not a bad thing at all.  :)  Just takes some really good time management, some late nights, and a few more Elmo movies then I'm accustomed to showing to Jack (he definitely isn't complaining).  And can I just say...I feel so blessed.  So VERY blessed.  I actually applied to a part time work from home job right before I posted all the felt stuff.  We really needed a little extra income for student loans and etc.  I really thought I was going to get to the job and then...nope.  Jason had been bugging me to try to post my felt stuff for a while.  I was sorta like, "I tired Etsy...it was ok.  Kinda done with it."  After I got the rejection from the job Jason said, "Ok, you can apply to more jobs if you want but you have to promise me you will post your felt stuff.  I have a good feeling about it."  So, I did it.  And it's been two months...and I guess you can say, "the rest is history".  Last month I brought in as much as I would have made at that part time job.  God is SO good.  Will it last?  I don't know.  But I will keep working away and hopefully coming up with new ideas annnnnd...we will see what happens!  :)

Phew.  Well, that was a whole lot packed into one blog post...I will try to not ditch this little space for too long at a time. 

It's a HUGE mushroom!  Jason decided to confess his affection for me on it.  ;)

Thanks for reading friends!  Hope you enjoyed some of our vacation photos!!!

One Year DONE!

One year ago today I started a "fast".

A "clothing and buy anything for myself" fast.


The rules were...no clothes, shoes, accessories, or anything of that sort.  Toiletries are ok...if it can be bought at Target.  So...no Sephora (not that I'm a crazy Sephora person but I do use Philosophy face soap and some of their makeup).

It made me branch out and realize that you can do a lot of creative things with your old clothes when you are tired of them...without spending money.  For example:

I converted my bootcut pants into skinny pants.
I made a cute head scarf.
I made my own earrings out of felt.
I added cute contrasting fabric pockets to some of my plain t-shirts/tank tops.
I mixed and matched things that I wouldn't normally have thought of just to freshen it up a bit.
I wore shoes waaaaaaay longer then I ever would have normally...hello holey Toms.

Seriously...it was so good.
At times it was a little hard but in the end it was waaaay easier then I thought it would be.

I never really thought of myself as a person who is into "fashion" or whatever you want to call it.  Yet I felt myself trying to keep up.  And indulging in things that were not necessary or financially wise.  Indulging occasionally is totally fine if you have the money...but I was getting to that point where I just wanted so many things.  Like I would think about the things that I wanted way more then I should.  Too much time and energy was being put toward "wanting" things and not nearly enough time was being put toward "thankfulness".  Blak.

So...I let it all go.
And it was so very freeing.

But there were parts that were hard.  And everyone wants to know the hard stuff right?!?

So, first I started this 2 months after giving birth.  I had only bought a couple of things post-birth and so that was a little complicated.  Though I fit into my pre-pregnancy pants when I started this I thought that my body would completely return to pre-preg size and proportions.  I'm the same weight...but the body isn't quite the same.  My hips are just a tiny bit wider...enough to make my pants not entirely comfortable.  I am REALLY ready to buy a new pair of pants that fit WELL.  And to get rid of these current ones cause lets be honest...I ain't getting any smaller.  And can I just say...I LOVE LOOOOOVE my new hips.  I use "hips" loosely because I was an absolute stick before.  Now I'm a size 0 instead of a 00 haha.  Obnoxious I know.  ;)

Wedding season.  Um yeah, I had ZERO dresses that worked.  We compromised on this one and I got a 2nd hand dress for under $10.  I really like it, it's modest, and very baby friendly.  So technically this was my ONE purchase this last year.  Ooops.  It was a family wedding though...and I was going to be in the pics.  Yikes.  :)

Shoes.  This one I totally didn't see coming.  I bought a pair of Toms right after giving birth.  They were cute and fun but not really shoes that go with everything.  I also had an old pair of black Toms.  And my Toms ended up being the ONLY shoes that fit comfortably outside of my sandals.  All of my other shoes ended up being too small.  I don't know how much longer my feet are...maybe barely a half size but they are certainly wider and oye do my shoes hurt my feet.  So I wore my Rainbow sandals and black Toms everyday and now my Toms are in desperate need of being retired!  :)

All of my nice make-up made it the whole year because I'm pretty light with it.  My face soap lasted quite a while...until May I think.  I rationed it well.  :)  I could use a new bra or two FOR SURE now that I'm not nursing.

So I "needed" things and yet the level of need just wasn't that high.  I could make do.  And you know...some times I think it's good to make do.  I don't have to run out and buy everything immediately.  A little adjusting and trying to go without will not kill me.  It will certainly help our bank account that's for sure!  :)

So there you go.  I will be buying a new pair of jeans, and shoes. 
Otherwise though...I really feel no desire to shop.  I thought I'd be chomping at the bit but yeah...I'm pretty content for the moment.  :)

Busy Busy

Oh hey.

That's right...I DO have a blog.
Apparently I forget this fact.
But cut me some slack...it's SUMMER!
Well, not for long.  And you certainly wouldn't know it by looking around here.  We are in the midst of that two month summer stretch in San Francisco where it's like 62 degrees and uber foggy.  Blak. 

Also, Jason is on his one month break between summer and fall quarter.  That and losing a job, applying for more, skype interviews, etsy sales, caring for a baby, Jason gone backpacking, family in town, getting ready for our family vacation.  Crazy days man.  This little space has been a bit neglected.  But I'm here!  :)  Phew.

So, maybe I'll just do a little update post.

Job: We are applying all over...once again.  So far we only have one potential in San Francisco...and it's a definite possibility.  We also have applied to Washington, Oregon, and L.A.  Some of the positions start very...soon.  Kinda freaky, and kinda exciting at the same time.  So thank you for your prayers.  It seems like there has been a lot more response as far as interviews go this time around.  I'm thinking it may have to do with him having worked at UC Berkeley now???  Not sure.  We just continue to pray that God will direct us...and of course...He will.  :)

Jack: After a looong stretch of sleeping well we are going through a bumpy spot.  I finally got a good look into his mouth and he has started to cut the top two morals.  Between that and an ear infection...sleep has been a little hard to get lately.  :)  Like all stages this too shall pass.  Otherwise...he is such a joy.  He is discovering and doing SO much.  Every day he blows me away with what he learns.  We took him to the Sausalito kids museum and had a blast.  This age is SO fun.  I love being this kid's mama.

Anyways, Jason is backpacking and grandma is here hanging out with us.  Then we leave for some time with my side of the family and then a little family camping/backpacking trip with just the three of us...which could go great...or really really bad hahaha.  We will see.  :)

So, that's what is happening with us. 
See ya when we get back from vacay!!!  :)

Not Quite Done

Earlier this year Jason was teaching at a different university.

It became apparent that if I was going to ever see him...and if we wanted me to stay home full time...that he would need to find a new position.

So we applied everywhere.  All over California.  Even out of state.  And lo and behold...despite what everyone said about the difficulty to land a full time teaching position in the Bay Area he got an offer at UC Berkeley's ESL program.  It felt like such a gift.  I quit my job.  It was enough to keep us in the Bay Area and me home full time.  It seemed like we would be here for a while.  No more changes for a while.  No more uncertainty.

But then...

A week or so ago...after working at his new program for only a few months...Jason and the rest of the program was given word that the dean would be shutting down the program.  Jason will no longer have a job in December.  It has something to do with rent in San Francisco being too high.  They are losing the lease in their current building and are having a hard time finding a new place.  I guess there's no room on the actual Berkeley campus?  I don't know. (His program is in the downtown San Francisco location)  Anyways, so, we are starting all over again.

I go back and forth on what to think.
Part of me just feels so discouraged and completely annoyed that we have to apply for jobs AGAIN.  It's NOT a short process.  Academia applications are kinda ridiculous.  And then there's all the "what if's" you know.  Those things that totally freak you out.  Another part of me refuses to see this as a hopeless situation.  I am trying to embrace this and in my heart I of course acknowledge and know that this is completely in God's hands...and in His providence.  But it's still hard.

A couple of nights ago I sorta had a little thought/vision (that sounds way too spiritual haha).  I just imagined the Israelites and how they were complaining to God of how they didn't want to leave Egypt.  That it was too hard.  They they would rather stay with the familiar...the situation that is by no means ideal but easy...because it's known.  And then there's God who is shaking His head and saying, "You silly Israelites.  I am taking you from something that is not ideal and putting you somewhere where you will flourish.  Stop reaching back to hold onto the scruff, the mud, and the toil and put out your hands to hold onto Me."

"Come to me all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

For in all honesty...there isn't a huge future for us in San Francisco.  We basically tread water financially.  We could never EVER buy a house here.  And really, that was ok to us.  Jason and I are the types to just be...content.  We are okay in almost any situation.  Which is such a blessing...but also can breed complacency.

So we are trying our hardest to trust God in this time.  Knowing that every single thing is in His plan and never once have I looked back on a thing and thought, "That event had zero value...it was worthless."  We learn, we grow, we fall more in love with each other and with our Jesus with every passing trial.

So that's where we are at.
We have no clue what our life will look like after December.
And that's really scary.
And also a tiny bit exciting at the same time...if I really think about it.  ;)


On a completely different note!
So I have a little Etsy shop.  It's linked to one of the pictures to the right.  I've literally had it for 3 or so years and for most of it it's sat dormant.  I'd add a thing here and there...sell a thing here and there.  It was a fun little random outlet I had.  Well in the last month or two I've put a little more time and effort into it.  I even set a financial goal for the month and I exceeded it!  How fun is that?!?  I mean, it was nothing crazy but still...kinda cool.  I'm having a lot of fun with it and it's been a nice little blessing in the midst of a lot of craziness.  :)

Anyways, if you think of us you can be praying for direction...and a new job.  Also for Jason to be able to push through these last few months.  It's really hard to be motivated and do your best when you know that your work is going to end...it sorta just feels purposeless you know?  So yeah.

That's all!
Thanks for reading!

Have a great weekend friends!
:)

442

442 sq. feet.

This is what we live in.

For the longest time I was telling people 550-600 when people asked.  I didn't really know so I guessed.  Then a few days ago I decided to whip out the tape measure...just to see.

442.

And you know.  It's really not that bad.  Ok...well...when it's clean.  When it's messy I kinda want to poke my eyes out.  Also we sorta chose it.  I mean, it's not as if we had the choice between a mansion and this place.  All of our options were small.  The things that sold us though were A) a full size 'frige.  B) a full size STOVE with an oven. C) washer and dryer on site...and not coin operated D) a backyard  E) it was a legal residence...there are a ton in SF that are definitely not legal...or safe haha.  Finally it had 2 bedrooms.  We felt this made up for the fact that the rest of it was so tiny.  Little did we know we'd be bringing home our first little one here...so the 2nd bedroom...HUGE plus.   God knew.  :)

So, let me explain our living sitch briefly since it is kinda weird and confusing.  We live in an in-law in San Francisco.  Basically this means that someone converted their downstairs into a small studio like apartment.  There are lots of these through out San Francisco and they tend to be the cheapest options as far as living here goes.  I use "cheap" veeeeeery loosely.  :)  Downsides are that a lot of times it's an illegal addition.  Usually there are few windows, and there is usually a family living above you...and you hear every step and word they say.  We looked at about 8 or 9 places.  The first 6 were terrible.  Then I got a job offer and we needed to find a place ASAP.  We came up, looked at this one and were sold.  The best part of the whole thing was that it was very close to Jason's university.  We honestly didn't know how lucky we were to have everything else.  We also had no idea nobody actually lived upstairs and that we would have full access to the backyard until we were signing the lease.  So I feel like this place has been an absolute GIFT from God.  So there's the background. (Someone DOES technically live upstairs but they are elderly, have a house in Chinatown, and only come to stay during their birthdays and Chinese New Year).

When we looked at it.  We knew it was small.  But we needed a house so whatever right?!?  Then we actually moved up here and I remember Jason and I looking at each other and saying, "I really thought this was bigger."  Ha.  Oh well.

And we had every intention of staying here only until Jason's grad school was over and then moving out of the city...or at least into a bigger place.  But you know what?!?  Rent has increased so much in the last 4 years.  Places that are similar to ours are now a good $400-$500 MORE then what we are paying.  So while we could move some where bigger...and pay a whoooole lot more, at this point I would rather stay where we are at, pay less...and pay off student loans and save money at the same time.  Yay!    

When we moved here I realized we had a bit of a challenge ahead of us as far as arranging and making it work.  The bedrooms were a little small but the main living area was one "big" room.  On one wall it has the kitchen area and then that's it.  Kitchen, living room, dining room...all in one.  And would you like to know how big this room is?  13x14.  And that includes the cabinets.  So really less when it comes to putting furniture in it.  I scoward the internet for ideas on how to arrange furniture and not make it totally weird.  Everything I found though was super fancy, adorable little homes with amazing built in shelving and $1000 furniture.  Hmmm.  If I could afford amazing shelving and furniture...I wouldn't be living in such a tiny house.  Nothing "real".  No real life.  Just super nice, fancy, swanky tiny apartments.  So I guess this is why I'm showing you my home.  How I went about arranging a tiny house/apartment (and it's been a process let me tell you).  Especially our kitchen and living room in one!  Maybe someone will stumble across it and get some ideas.  :)

Also let me tell you that everything in our house furniture wise has been given to us...for free.  We paid $15 for our little Ikea desk in the living room...and around $100 for Jack's Ikea crib.  Those are the only two pieces of furniture we have bought.  I would LOVE a new little white couch.  I would LOVE a lot of new things and yet...overall I'm okay...when I put my mind to it ;)  I really do love our house and there is something really comforting in knowing that our stuff is just...stuff.  I mean...I like some of it a lot even though it was free but there will be no financial loss if something gets ruined or broken.  I guess this is a good thing since we are entering the world of kids.

Welp. On with the pictures.

So this is the latest arrangement for our large room.  We acquired both an armchair (which I LOVE) and a long dresser for our room.  We needed to find space for both the chair and our old dresser.  The couch was originally facing out to the door (where the picture is being taken from) but I really like this new arrangement.  While it's not quite so open it creates a sort of "living room nook" apart from the kitchen.

Taken from our bedroom door.  Our table is extendable and believe it or not we have pulled it out and have had a few people over for dinner multiple times.  It has an awesome design and look and Jason's aunt gave it to us.  It was old and weathered and Jason sanded it by hand and refinished it.  The dresser has been the BEST decision I think we've made.  The kitchen has very little space for things and the dresser solves that problem.  It also gives good, high, stable space for things like the microwave and coffee maker.  Those things used to be on a rickety table and I was constantly afraid Jack would pull it down.

Another angle from our bedroom door.  One of the keys to surviving a tiny home with kids is keeping the toys to a minimum (the basket and the little wood box by the TV)  At first I felt bad but really...he doesn't need that many toys.  All those fun, big toys he gets to play with 2 x's a week at church.  Otherwise...he really enjoys the toys he has and it causes us to go out and play outside of the house daily...sometimes TWICE a day.  I would LOVE a new TV...more for cosmetic reasons then anything else.  That TV is huge and boxy.  We just don't watch it except for movies here and there and so priorities you know?!?  And the CPU computer thing is from our old computer.  It doesn't work but Jack really likes to play with toys on it so we are keeping it around for now haha.

Have I shown much of Jack's room?  Not sure that I have.  So...this is Jack's room and desk office area that is NOT used and is VERY cluttered with Jason's school papers but I'm on a mission to not nag sooo...there they stay haha.  I WILL say that if we ever have a second baby this will become a room for two and the desk will be adios and replaced with a big boy bed for Jacko.  :)

Command hooks!  And Command strips!  Jason doesn't like putting a million holes into the walls of rentals so these command hooks are everywhere.  So convenient and nice.  Most of the pics on my collage wall in the living room are on Command strips...they work really well!

The rest of Jack's toys.  A crate of toys, duplos, and his train basket.  Oh and his xylophone and doggie!  :)  I'm telling you.  Less is more.  :)  And I'm sure with the addition of more kids there will be LOTS more toys.  haha

Anyways, a few more things.  We store a flat tub under his crib full of bedding and sheets.  All clothing and other baby necessities MUST fit into that canvas drawer thingy...and they do.  :)  His old swing is stored next to his crib and his doorway jumperoo is under the crib also.  There is also a book shelf stored inside of the closet where we store books and extra toiletries.  We also store Jason's tools in that same closet.

Finally we move onto the least exciting room...our room.  Basically we chose to have a HUGE bed and nothing else in there.  In my opinion...totally worth it.  We were gifted a basically brand new Cal King Tempurpedic Memory Foam mattress and bedspring.  I still needed a little room for my sewing machine...which there is.  :)

This huge long dresser takes up most of the rest of the room.  It holds a lot and so that's all that matters.  In a small house everything needs to have a home...preferably out of site.  Clutter is the fastest way to make you feel crazy and like the walls are closing in on you.

And some other random tips and tricks.
-We use the top of our closet for linens.
-Large items like cake platters I use as part of decoration...so I don't have to find a home out of site for them...since there IS no room for anything like that out of site.  :)
-For more counter space sometimes I place a large cutting board over 2 of the burners.
-We definitely store quite a few things under our bed!  :)
-And really...keep it minimal.  When it's all said and done...if you have a small house...you can't have a lot of things.  Pure physics.  You just can't fit it.  Or you might be able to but there will be no room for living your life!  :)


And that's it!  442 sq ft.  I still laugh every time I think about that.  Also let's note that we DO have a little entry area where our front door is that we store our bikes and stroller.  There is also a small corner of the garage that we get to use.  That has our camping and outdoor gear in it.  So YAY for that!

We really do love our home and feel so blessed to have it.  We will definitely stay with 2 kids.  More then that...hmmm.  We will see.  ;)