Not Quite Done

Earlier this year Jason was teaching at a different university.

It became apparent that if I was going to ever see him...and if we wanted me to stay home full time...that he would need to find a new position.

So we applied everywhere.  All over California.  Even out of state.  And lo and behold...despite what everyone said about the difficulty to land a full time teaching position in the Bay Area he got an offer at UC Berkeley's ESL program.  It felt like such a gift.  I quit my job.  It was enough to keep us in the Bay Area and me home full time.  It seemed like we would be here for a while.  No more changes for a while.  No more uncertainty.

But then...

A week or so ago...after working at his new program for only a few months...Jason and the rest of the program was given word that the dean would be shutting down the program.  Jason will no longer have a job in December.  It has something to do with rent in San Francisco being too high.  They are losing the lease in their current building and are having a hard time finding a new place.  I guess there's no room on the actual Berkeley campus?  I don't know. (His program is in the downtown San Francisco location)  Anyways, so, we are starting all over again.

I go back and forth on what to think.
Part of me just feels so discouraged and completely annoyed that we have to apply for jobs AGAIN.  It's NOT a short process.  Academia applications are kinda ridiculous.  And then there's all the "what if's" you know.  Those things that totally freak you out.  Another part of me refuses to see this as a hopeless situation.  I am trying to embrace this and in my heart I of course acknowledge and know that this is completely in God's hands...and in His providence.  But it's still hard.

A couple of nights ago I sorta had a little thought/vision (that sounds way too spiritual haha).  I just imagined the Israelites and how they were complaining to God of how they didn't want to leave Egypt.  That it was too hard.  They they would rather stay with the familiar...the situation that is by no means ideal but easy...because it's known.  And then there's God who is shaking His head and saying, "You silly Israelites.  I am taking you from something that is not ideal and putting you somewhere where you will flourish.  Stop reaching back to hold onto the scruff, the mud, and the toil and put out your hands to hold onto Me."

"Come to me all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

For in all honesty...there isn't a huge future for us in San Francisco.  We basically tread water financially.  We could never EVER buy a house here.  And really, that was ok to us.  Jason and I are the types to just be...content.  We are okay in almost any situation.  Which is such a blessing...but also can breed complacency.

So we are trying our hardest to trust God in this time.  Knowing that every single thing is in His plan and never once have I looked back on a thing and thought, "That event had zero value...it was worthless."  We learn, we grow, we fall more in love with each other and with our Jesus with every passing trial.

So that's where we are at.
We have no clue what our life will look like after December.
And that's really scary.
And also a tiny bit exciting at the same time...if I really think about it.  ;)


On a completely different note!
So I have a little Etsy shop.  It's linked to one of the pictures to the right.  I've literally had it for 3 or so years and for most of it it's sat dormant.  I'd add a thing here and there...sell a thing here and there.  It was a fun little random outlet I had.  Well in the last month or two I've put a little more time and effort into it.  I even set a financial goal for the month and I exceeded it!  How fun is that?!?  I mean, it was nothing crazy but still...kinda cool.  I'm having a lot of fun with it and it's been a nice little blessing in the midst of a lot of craziness.  :)

Anyways, if you think of us you can be praying for direction...and a new job.  Also for Jason to be able to push through these last few months.  It's really hard to be motivated and do your best when you know that your work is going to end...it sorta just feels purposeless you know?  So yeah.

That's all!
Thanks for reading!

Have a great weekend friends!
:)