Thursday, September 18, 2014

Keeping it Real


SIIIIIIGGHHHH!  (That was a really awesomely huge cyber sigh...if you couldn't tell.)

Life man.

Life is so good on so many levels.  I mean, I feel like God has been giving me snippets of gratefulness.  Little tidbits that keep me going.  Yesterday as I was walking through the grocery store surrounded by food I thought about how blessed we are to have such resources at our fingertips.  Yesterday's weather was so gloriously PERFECT.   I spent the whole day out and about, pushing my little man in his stroller.  Jack's well baby was easy peasy as always...and there are parents out there who can't say the same thing.  This morning Jack told me he wanted his diaper changed and as I followed him into his room...with his slightly bow-legged baby walk I just felt so thankful for this crazy little guy who makes me so utterly tired...but who makes me Mama.

So, in so many ways it's perspective you know.  I'm big on perspective.

But let's stop sugar coating it eh?

Life is just hard sometimes.  I mean, I may be more or less healthy, I may have a healthy family, my husband may have a job (kinda haha), I may have a roof over my head but the reality of it all

Things are too busy around here.  When Jason starts teaching things kinda just...survive.  I don't know if this will always be the case.  Maybe when he's more established in his teaching, school won't be so intrusive.  Or maybe not.  Maybe it's having a little one.  I don't really know what it is.  We just need some time to connect.  I get jaded easily.  Indifference and emotional detachment has been the struggle  It happens so easily for me. 

Then there are things like jobs.  Jobs jobs jobs.  We have applied to so many jobs.  We have had some genuine interest which is better then what I can say about the last time we went through this.  None are local...which is fine.  But one is looking to be out of state and one is looking to be "closer" to family but not really in a place that we imagined raising kids.  These are decisions that eventually need to be made but at this point...I'm just too tired to make.

Tired for so many reasons.  Jack is not sleeping well currently.  He has at least two molars popping through and a cold.  Good combo eh?  Actually, last night he slept through the night for the first time in a couple of weeks.  I attribute this to his shots and him tripping and falling into the laundry hamper cutting his lip (poor baby).  Lots of tears make for a tired baby apparently.

I think I just need some FUN.
You know?!?

I can go go go and do work work work for a really long time and then eventually I start feeling like I'm coming apart at the seams...and the slow process of this isn't pretty.  And the final undoing of myself is just down right ugly.  Even when I do something on my own for an hour or two I still feel...too wound tight.  Like how much of a break do you need to feel like you really start to decompress?  I want to say 2 DAYS!  haha.  The first day to just relax and're taking a break.  And then the 2nd day to actually have fun. 

Of course I have been barely in the Word lately.  I'm so out of it in the morning and this is my main time to delve into Scripture.  So, my body feels tired and so does my soul.


So that's what's really going on lately...and so much more to be 100% honest.

Anyways, we went through a long phase of "ease" in our little family so I'm thankful that though there are valleys...there are mountains too.  This isn't forever.  Time will pass.  Yay for that.

So, thanks for "listening" friends!  :) 
Ya'll the best.

1 comment:

  1. Oh Anna, I hear ya!! I feel right there with you. But, even when Trav does offer to take the kids or push me out the door, I don't even have energy to do that! I just want to sit on my duff and stare at the wall. It's crazy... mothering these little ones and doing life on top of it all. Love you. Got your wings today... so presh. And PLEASE tell me you're not cutting out each one individually.