Transparent

I'm going to be a little transparent here.

I feel like a lot of times my blog posts are a bit surfacy and fun.  Which is sorta how I roll.

Let me preface this post by saying that even when everything is going poorly...I'm still a pretty happy go lucky person.  I have no idea why or how but that just seems to be how I'm wired.  :)

Anyways.

Do you ever feel like you are just doing everything sub-par?  Like I kinda suck at life right now.
Maybe this is what it's like to have kids haha.  I guess I felt like I was always one of those people who were kinda "on it".  Or at least my post college self ha.  I feel like I'm keeping a float...but just barely.

I'm pretty sure I haven't been in the Word since Jack was born (6 MONTHS PEOPLE!!!)...except for church and Bible study.  It's sucking me dry and I feel like my soul is so thirsty for scripture but for what ever reason I have little to no desire...and little to no time.  I think these may go hand in hand.  The little time I muster for myself just doesn't end in me reading God's word.  It usually ends in zoning out on the computer.  blak.

Jason and I are juggling crazy schedules to keep us financially afloat where there is very little time to be together.  I feel like I'm more snappy and naggy and I HATE HATE HAAAAAAATE that.  Nothing worse then a snappy, nag of a wife.  Double blak.

Finances are...meh.  No real details needed here but let's just say we're poor.  I'm desperate to build up our savings again but with medical bills, insurance premiums, and etc it's been hard.  Thankfully our insurance premiums dropped DRASTICALLY with Obama care (I know, it's controversial but it took our premiums from almost $1000/month to about $250.)  The old premiums were causing us to live beyond our means.  :(  (KIDS ARE EXPENSIVE)

Jack.  Oh my sweet little baby.  The kid gets so much lovin' and tenderness during the day but at night.  ahem.  I am ashamed/embarrassed to say how frustrated I felt with him last night and his lack of sleep.  I picked him up a bit more roughly then normal and then felt so guilty afterward.  He seemed completely unphased haha.  I was just so tired.  SO TIRED.  Why Jack don't you sleep???  But he's a baby...A BABY!  Why would I get frustrated with a baby?  Because I'm human I guess.  Triple blak.

And then there's my disaster of a house, the laundry that never ends, the dishes that I would rather poke out my eyes then wash, the organization that NEEDS to happen because if I live in that disorder one.more.day I may go certifiably mad.  Like seriously, I think I'm borderline OCD.

But then you just STOP.
And realize that these things are really not that big of a deal.  I have a beautiful little boy who thinks I'm pretty darn cool despite my flaws, a husband who shows such grace and love through my nagging, a God who is forgiving and always there despite my pitiful prayers and lack of time in His Word...and we have a roof over our head, food in our refrigerator...jobs with steady incomes.

It's just so easy to get caught up in what's not going right isn't it?  But we are blessed.  Really and truly blessed. 

Anywho, that's a little bit of my mind and heart as of late.
Thanks for letting me vent.  <3