Some Random Things to Note

So...

if you missed the last post.
You should go read it.

Assuming you've done that...onward!

So.  Pregnancy the 2nd time around?
Well.  It definitely moves a lot faster.  At this point at least.  I'd say the first 10 weeks felt like an eternity because things were just very uncertain.  But yes...I can imagine that 40 weeks will be here in a blink.  Chasing a crazy toddler around and trying to manage everything else I guess makes the days and weeks go by fast.

Are we finding out the gender?  Yes.  I wanted it to be a surprise but I could tell that I was pressuring Jason into agreeing with me...and not really listening to what he ACTUALLY wanted to do.  We wives aren't ever guilty of that right? ha!  Anyways, I just let him decide and he wants to find out.  Apparently if there is ever a baby #3 (3????) then that one can be a surprise.  :)  We find out though in just under 2 weeks!  I've been having a lot of "girl thoughts" lately but we will see.  ;)

How am I feeling?  This pregnancy was different.  With Jack I was sick right at 4 weeks and basically sick from sun up to sun down...with a small reprieve between 2-4pm.  I wasn't totally sick all day with this pregnancy but when I was it was much more intense and debilitating then with Jack...and it started at around 6 weeks instead.  Even now I am completely repulsed by the smell/idea of eating sautéed onions and garlic.  Blaaaak.  With Jack's pregnancy I has ZERO increase in appetite.  I probably ate less actually then I normally do.  With this one during the 1st tri I was hungry alllllll the time.  But for specific, horribly unhealthy things...along side strong aversions to a lot of foods.  Lovely.  I feel like my appetite has leveled out a bit and I'm slowly able to eat things again...but no onions and garlic.  Also I dealt a lot with headaches this time around.  And ice water.  Ice water was so delicious...and still is.  I normally prefer my water room temp but not with this pregnancy. 

Weight/size?  I feel huge already.  Looking at the picture I took of me last week at Target though it seems about the same as my pregnancy with Jack.  I just feeeeeel bigger I guess.  Things are more achey and ouchy...but that could be because of the 26 lb toddler I pick up far too often.  I also threw out my back a couple of days ago.  That's been interesting.  :)

So with Jack I had the best, most even complexion I've ever had.  My hair was rockin' too!  This pregnancy....not so much.  Pimples are making their presence known and my hair...doesn't seem to have improved or diminished.  It's just the same ole hair...but growing a bit faster.  I forget how fast your fingernails grow...and how little your leg hair grows.  I'm liking the lack of leg hair.  :)

A couple of people have asked what Jack thinks about the pregnancy.  He has no clue.  I should probably start talking to him about the idea of a baby.  I figure we have plenty of time.  In a few months he might actually understand what we are talking about a bit more.  :)

And that's it.  The latest on the bump. 
Am I the only one that loves the bump?  I mean...I just think they are so amazing and represent something truly beautiful.

Oh...and I just thought you should know that I decided that it was a good idea to store a few things in my in-law's attic...including my maternity clothes.  When you have a 6 month old though getting pregnant again seems like a looooooong way off.  Ha!  I had one pair of maternity pants in my closet on accident and let's just say that those pants are getting a lot of use.  Ha!

Ready to go home for Christmas so that I have some clothes again!  :)

This is a good one that you definitely want to read....

I don't even know what to title this.

"Ooops"

"Don't Blog about it Until it's REALLY Been Confirmed and True."
How's THAT for a title?  Ha!

Sooo...
Do you remember THIS post?
It was the post where I gave a little update on what's been going on lately...including an early miscarriage that I "had."

Yeah.

Weeeeeell.

Sike?
April Fools?
JK?

Cause guess what!?!  Still pregnant.

Right?!? 
Your mouth is probably hanging open right now.
Well close it and I will tell you the full story. 

So we found out that we were pregnant on my birthday (Aug 26)!  I thought...oh what an awesome birthday present.  I had a bit of a feeling that something would happen though.  I thought maybe I'd lose it but wasn't sure what to attribute the feeling to.  Maybe I am just paranoid from our first miscarriage.  We found out right at 4 weeks.  At 5 weeks I started spotting and then maybe at 6 weeks or so I had a lot of blood.  This was the "miscarriage" I posted about...a little prematurely.  I thought though that it didn't seem like as much as my first miscarriage before Jack.  I was also farther along with the 1st one then this one.  So I waited for more blood (tmi?).  For the miscarriage to finish.  I went back to spotting.  Sometimes heavier.  Sometimes light.  I figured my body was having trouble finishing the job.

About 3 days after the "miscarriage" that I thought I had/was having I started to get abdominal pain.  It started around 9pm.  It intensified.  I tried to go to bed.  I couldn't.  It got worse and worse.  The pain was horrible.    I threw up, I blacked out at least twice...all on the bathroom floor while the rest of the house slept.  Finally I thought, "What if it's ectopic?"  That would explain the pain, the spotting, etc.  So I called the Triage line at around 1am and asked her what she thought.  She told me, "You're just miscarrying.  Take a high amount of ibuprofen and ride it out."  I of course told her that I've HAD a miscarriage...and though I may BE miscarrying eventually...this is not the moment that it's happening, that it's not that kind of pain.  Basically she seemed annoyed and said, "Well, you can either go to the ER or call your doc tomorrow."  She was confident though that it wasn't ectopic and so with the peace of mind that my fallopian tube wasn't about to explode I went back to my place on the bathroom floor.  (I also chose not to dope up on Ibuprofren...being well aware that you shouldn't take that while pregnant.  There was this small voice inside of me that said...you might still be pregnant...don't take it.  So I didn't.)  Eventually the pain intensified in one area, peaked, and subsided...and I woke up around 3am on the bath mat to Jack crying.

When I was getting Jack back down that's when it hit me.  The pain was exactly like a ruptured ovarian cyst.  It never even crossed my mind because I was still "technically" pregnant and for whatever reason I figured it wasn't possible to have one happen while pregnant.  I've had maybe 4 or 5 in my life.  This one was absolutely the worst.  Bar none.

The next morning I called my dr. and she was totally concerned and ordered me to the hospital for an ultrasound and blood test.  Because it was so last minute I had nobody to watch Jack and Jason was at work.  So off we went.  I still figured that I had lost the baby.  So, I was called in, I had the ultrasound while I tried to appease Jack with every delectable snack I could come up with and lo and behold...there was our itty bitty baby with a HEARTBEAT!  A stinking heartbeat! 

I was floored.
I immediately texted Jason and he was in awe.

Blood tests came back fine.  All was more or less fine.  I was still spotting though which they didn't love and considered me high risk. 

So at 8 weeks I went to my first actual prenatal appt with my doctor and everything was good.  Except that I ended up having an Asymptomatic Strep B UTI???  Go figure.  I've had to take two rounds of antibiotics for that (and I'm still waiting for the results to see if it's FINALLY gone) and I also have to have antibiotics while giving birth.  Boo.

Had my 12 week and 16 week appointment and all has been fine.  The spotting is gone. 

So the sum of it is that nobody REALLY knows what happened that night.  My doctor is assuming that it was a very large cyst.  I guess they have to be pretty big to cause bleeding which I believe since I've never had bleeding with my other ruptured cysts.  The problem is that once I got the ultrasound the cyst was gone so there really was nothing to see.  Whatever happened though it seems to be linked to the bleeding.  It peaked right before that happened and has tapered off since.

And YES!  You can have a ruptured ovarian cyst while pregnant.  FYI.

So.
Phew.

There's the story.  That's the full explanation behind how I thought miscarried (but didn't) and then ended up ok.  Weird but wonderful.  And we thank God so very much for this little one. 

And next time...I'll be a little slower to spout off info on this here blog, ha!

I wasn't sure how long I wanted to wait to let the cat out of the bag.  Honestly I kinda panic every time I tell someone because my mind automatically thinks something might go wrong and that's ONE more person to have to explain it to.  Paranoid much?  I thought I might never tell the internet world and just one day have another baby...but that would probably be a little weird haha. 



So...

WE'RE PREGNANT!

I'm just about 17 weeks along.

Baby is due the very beginning of May!!!  <3

Today is Tuesday

Today...

I need to make a bunch of calls.  When I was in high school I enjoyed talking on the phone.  Now...not so much.  Maybe it's because I'll have to go through a bunch of recordings and "press 1" for blah blah blah's.  Not fun.

I need to send out a few orders.  Last week wasn't nearly as productive as it could have been.  This in turn caused me to have to stay up until 2 am on Sunday night in order to meet some deadlines.  It's amazing how much you can do when you put your mind to it...and usually I realize that it's not so bad to be productive.  You just need to START.  :)

Jack and I are visiting Peek-a-Boo Factory.  It's a large indoor play area.  He really loves it.  It's not the place to go on the weekend because all the bigger kids are there too and he gets mowed over.  During school hours though...perfection.  Although he's learning about "sharing".  He's actually yet to steal a toy from another kid but man has he been the brunt of it.  Unfortunately he's really good at finding the toy that NO kid is playing with...and then making it look fun I guess?  And then they immediately steal it from him.  What do you guys do?  I usually just let it happen and hope a parent is paying attention to intercede.  Confession: a huge part of me wants to be like "hey you, give my kid back that toy".  ;)  Ha!

I desperately need to find some time to sit, and pray...and be.  Where will I find such time?  Not a clue.  I am normally a very easy going, roll with the punches person but I have been battling some anxiety as of late.  Maybe it's good for me to experience this.  Gives me a small glimpse of what it's like to walk in other people's shoes.  There are many things that I'm having trouble giving to the Lord and just...being okay with.  My how anxiety robs your joy.  I just want it to...go away.  But it's not.  It seems here to stay for now.

I will most likely enjoy some Celestial Seasons Country Peach tea.  I am rediscovering tea.  I used to love it and lately Jason has been requesting some.  It's nice to sip in the evening.  The peach tea though...with a squirt of honey.  Yum.  And the smell?!  Well, that alone is enough to win me over.  :)

I need to find a place to get some cheap fleecy footie pj's for Jack.  Am I right or is there ALWAYS something to buy for kids?  Sheesh.  The nights are getting colder and apparently babies don't use blankets so some warm footies are needed.  And how cute are toddlers running around in footie pj's?

And that concludes my Tuesday.  Not too interesting eh? 

And some random of photos of this last month have been dispersed throughout for your viewing pleasure.  :)  Enjoy!

Conversations We Have. :)

Jason and I heard a sermon last Sunday that got us chatting about...well, what happens when things aren't going peachy keen.

Like why do we suffer?
Why do we have every day annoyances that really just seem pointless?
Why do we lose our job?
Why do we get sick?
Why are there evil atrocities?
Why? Why? Whhyyyyyy?

I mean, I KNOW the answers to these things.  I really do.  I'm sure you do.  I've been told it 100 times but then when it all boils down to it...it's hard to apply.

And honestly those answers just feel insufficient, insensitive, and shallow in the moment.
Like telling someone, "Oh, I'm really sorry you are going through this really terrible thing but you know, God really loves you and He is pruning you and making your stronger and you will look back on this time and be thankful one day."

Um.
Thanks? 
Not!

I started thinking though and realized that THIS is the very thing that brought me to Christianity in the first place.  This is the very thing that made me realize..."Wait, there can be hope?"

I don't really care about all the Christian Sunday school answers in the moment of suffering.
I really don't.  I know they ARE the right answers.  I know that one day they WILL sink in and I most likely WILL look back on times of suffering and say that "Yes, I am glad I experienced that."

But in the moment.  It doesn't help much.

What does help me though?
I think it's a general attitude of..."this matters"

The crap matters.
God knows exactly where I'm at...what I'm feeling...and it matters...to Him.
That blows my mind.

Little ole' me. 

The fact that God can use the crap...for His good in the end.  Gives me hope.  The every day annoyances.  The evils in the world.  He can bring good from it and use it all for His glory.  And I'm so glad.

Because otherwise?  What hope do we have?  Why do we suffer?  If God can take all the junk in the world and somehow bring beauty from it.  Well shoot.  I'm all about this God.

Otherwise...it's just suffering, it's just evil, it's just cancer, it's just loss. 
It's just hopeless.
That's it.
There's nothing else.

I'm so glad there is always hope to be found in Christ.  Always!  Even if it's the smallest, faintest little glimmer.  It's there.

And we matter.  Our sufferings matter.  Our anxieties matter.  Our troubles matter.

And it's so humbling.
And so beautiful.

****************

And THAT my friends...is a glimpse into Jason and I's conversation last Sunday.  Aren't we sooooo deep?!?  ;)  Ha!

Lately: A Friday Post

Happy Friday friends!

Jason has a little lull between his sessions and thus has FOUR days straight off...which is straight up glorious.  He's been out of the home about 12-13 hours of the day lately and this Mama is tired...and would like to see the guy for more then a hour a day.  :)

• So let's start this out right and talk about the fruit fly that has been plaguing my life lately.  Seriously.  It's been flying around our house for the last week and the thing is so wispy and hard to see that I can't follow it to kill it.  It's always buzzing around my face when I'm trying to eat.  Then I put my hands up all stealth like, smack them together and say, "HaHA!  I GOT you this time...only to see that no...it has once again evaded me."  It's going down.
• Jason has ONE month left of his job.  ONE.  I'm really trying my best not to panic.  I mean I'm not really a panicky person.  For the most part it is easy to trust God.  He has been so very faithful to us and why would He stop now?  But then I start thinking...usually at night.  Things are so much worse at night right?  Jack has been doing these once a night wakeups (not every night though) and he's just now getting a little separation anxiety.  Am I right or is it waaaaay harder to let them cry it out when they are older?  When they are crying out "maaammmaaa".  Basically I'm not tough enough.  So I try to put him down on his own and if he can't handle the thought of me leaving his side (ha!) I will go back in and lay next to his crib.  Apparently that's enough.  Sooooo tangent.  It's during these moments where I can start freaking out.  Like what if he doesn't find a job?  Unemployment isn't enough to keep us in our rental alone.  Do I need to find a job?  Will we move back down south?  How will Jack handle it?  Blah blah blah.  Lovely eh?
• It's feeling like fall.  The air has changed.  It has that little crisp punch and the sunlight looks...fallish.  I think we may be staying here in SF for Thanksgiving.  It's just a lot to go down south for both Thanksgiving and Christmas.  A lot of $$$.  Especially not knowing our financial future.  See above point.  :)  SOOOO...that means I will be making our Thanksgiving dinner which I'm not going to lie...I'm a leetle excited for.  Boo yah!  Have any amazeball recipes?
• Parenthood.  Do you guys watch it?  I do...when I can stay awake.  I've been watching them online because apparently I can't make it to 10pm worth beans.  I'm so sad it's ending.  And I really want to watch last nights episode.  :)
• Can I just say that I think Jack is hilarious.  I mean, I know he's my kid but I am genuinely entertained by him most of the day.  The way his mind works cracks me up.  Like he tries to "hide" from me.  He goes and squats in a place that is quite visible...but tucks his head down so his chin is touching his chest.  Apparently if he can't see me...then I surely can't see him.  Ha!
• So I have hoards of scrap felt.  Anyone got a good idea on what I could do with it...other then chuck it.  Because that's what I'm about to do.  :)

And that concludes my bullet post.  Hope everyone have a maaaarvelous weekend.