Keeping it Real

Sigh.

SIIIIIIGGHHHH!  (That was a really awesomely huge cyber sigh...if you couldn't tell.)

Life man.

Life is so good on so many levels.  I mean, I feel like God has been giving me snippets of gratefulness.  Little tidbits that keep me going.  Yesterday as I was walking through the grocery store surrounded by food I thought about how blessed we are to have such resources at our fingertips.  Yesterday's weather was so gloriously PERFECT.   I spent the whole day out and about, pushing my little man in his stroller.  Jack's well baby was easy peasy as always...and there are parents out there who can't say the same thing.  This morning Jack told me he wanted his diaper changed and as I followed him into his room...with his slightly bow-legged baby walk I just felt so thankful for this crazy little guy who makes me so utterly tired...but who makes me Mama.

So, in so many ways it's perspective you know.  I'm big on perspective.

But let's stop sugar coating it eh?
Life.

Life is just hard sometimes.  I mean, I may be more or less healthy, I may have a healthy family, my husband may have a job (kinda haha), I may have a roof over my head but the reality of it all is...life.

Things are too busy around here.  When Jason starts teaching things kinda just...survive.  I don't know if this will always be the case.  Maybe when he's more established in his teaching, school won't be so intrusive.  Or maybe not.  Maybe it's having a little one.  I don't really know what it is.  We just need some time to connect.  I get jaded easily.  Indifference and emotional detachment has been the struggle of.my.life.  It happens so easily for me. 

Then there are things like jobs.  Jobs jobs jobs.  We have applied to so many jobs.  We have had some genuine interest which is better then what I can say about the last time we went through this.  None are local...which is fine.  But one is looking to be out of state and one is looking to be "closer" to family but not really in a place that we imagined raising kids.  These are decisions that eventually need to be made but at this point...I'm just too tired to make.

Tired for so many reasons.  Jack is not sleeping well currently.  He has at least two molars popping through and a cold.  Good combo eh?  Actually, last night he slept through the night for the first time in a couple of weeks.  I attribute this to his shots and him tripping and falling into the laundry hamper cutting his lip (poor baby).  Lots of tears make for a tired baby apparently.

I think I just need some FUN.
You know?!?

I can go go go and do work work work for a really long time and then eventually I start feeling like I'm coming apart at the seams...and the slow process of this isn't pretty.  And the final undoing of myself is just down right ugly.  Even when I do something on my own for an hour or two I still feel...too wound tight.  Like how much of a break do you need to feel like you really start to decompress?  I want to say 2 DAYS!  haha.  The first day to just relax and realize...you're taking a break.  And then the 2nd day to actually have fun. 

Of course I have been barely in the Word lately.  I'm so out of it in the morning and this is my main time to delve into Scripture.  So, my body feels tired and so does my soul.

Phew.

So that's what's really going on lately...and so much more to be 100% honest.

Anyways, we went through a long phase of "ease" in our little family so I'm thankful that though there are valleys...there are mountains too.  This isn't forever.  Time will pass.  Yay for that.

So, thanks for "listening" friends!  :) 
Ya'll the best.

A Friday List :)

1.  Oh my GOSH I need to make Jack's 15 month appt.  Yeah, totally spaced.  He's officially 15 months in two days.  Hopefully they can get him in before next year.  Off to call...  Phew.  Got him in next week.  These appt's are key because I use them to see where he is at weight wise.  We are milking that infant carseat for all it's worth.  :)  He can't use it after 30 lbs!

2. Everything in our house that plugs into a wall has decided to break at the same time.  Or it feels like it.  Both of our laptops are hanging on by a thread (our main one crashes about twice a day).  Would you like to know HOW old they are?  Well, we got them when we were at Cal Poly soooo....at least 10 years old haha.  Nice.  We use things until they are TRULY worn out.  Also, our awesome coffee grinder sorta just shredded itself inside.  So that's dead.  Then our coffee maker made a weird smell and now THAT'S dead.  So, rather then replace it...we are going without.  We grind the coffee at the store and bought two pour overs for $2.50 each.  I would LIKE a Kuerig for Christmas though.  :)

3. Ice water is lovely.  For so long I preferred my water room temp but lately it has been much more appealing to have ice.  Maybe it's because our house is so darn warm.  It's lovely in winter because it's completely cozy...and we don't even have to run the heat.  In the summer...not as nice.  :)  So ice water.  Yum. 

4. We are starting to purge more and more.  Getting rid of stuff that we just aren't using any more.  Mostly sports stuff.  It is looking like we will be moving from San Francisco in January.  Could be wrong.  Some how we just have a lot of...stuff.  We figure if we start going through it now we can actually sell and make some money off if it rather then having it be a mad dash where we donate everything at the last minute.  :)

5. One of Jack's favorite things is having me put his snack of o's and raisins into his little giraffe bowl instead of in the snack trap.  They end up on the floor of course...but he picks them all up and eats them ;)

6. Speaking of Jack...it's time to change his diaper.  Blak.
Back from THAT endeavor.  He decided to PULL the diaper right when I was about to wipe and got poop everywhere, on his legs, my hand.  Of course it was a total nast goopy diaper.  That child.

7. So, remember how I sung the praises of my little home?  I really loved it/do love it.  Buuuuut....I will confess that now that I've started my little handmade biz it's feeling a WHOLE lot smaller ahem.  I can't keep my sewing machine in our bedroom because I'm up later then Jason.  Soooo....we have a new kitchen table center piece.  :)  Needless to say...a bigger living room where I can tuck my workhorse in a corner would be nice.  And let's not talk about the felt that is everywhere!  Yeah...I'd take a little more space.

8. Jack still takes two good naps a day.  I keep thinking that morning nap will be dropped soon...but he's been holding onto it.  You can have that morning nap for as long as you want little guy.  I don't mind one bit!  :)

And that's it!  Hope everyone has a very lovely weekend! 

A Couple of Stories...

Sometimes I feel like a major klutz.  I've been known to take corners too fast and run into walls.  I swear I do embarrassing things all the time...so much so that I don't even think much of it.  Basically every time Jason does something klutzy he says, "That's something YOU would do, not ME."  Yeah yeah.

So, here are a couple of stories.

This first one isn't really my being klutzy so much so as forgetful (I seriously just typed forgetable instead of forgetful and stared at it for 2 minutes trying to figure out why that didn't sound/look right.  Um yeah.)

Episode 1: So a while back we got Jack a new stroller to keep down south in SLO.  It's a Graco stroller with a tray.  The tray though doesn't come down between the legs.  So, in order to ensure that your kid doesn't slide out you have to use the seat belt.  Ahem.  So, I had him seat belted...no problem.  Then I pulled him out to look at books.  When I put him back in it totally slipped my mind to seat belt him.  So, I'm downstairs in Barnes and Noble and I'm pushing the little guy out of the store.  As I'm pushing I start feeling resistance.  So I push more of course...makes total sense.  You see, the canopy was down and I couldn't see what was going on.  After MORE pushing I finally thought, "Did something fall out of the stroller and get caught in the wheel?"  I walk to the front and there is my child with his head on the stroller seat, his arms up by his ears, and basically his whole body hanging out the bottom...with his feet being pulled under the stroller...BECAUSE I KEPT ON PUSHING.  The best part was that there was a lady who was staring horrified.  I picked Jack up and he was totally fine.  I think he was more bummed that he didn't manage to actually escape.  When I got home to tell Jason, the whole scene was suddenly hilarious.  The way Jack looked, the lady's expression.  I laughed so hard I cried, literally cried while retelling it.  Good times man.  Good times.

Episode 2:  We went to a free day at a museum in San Francisco.  It has lots of art and is in general a rather swanky, nice museum.  It is also crazy about food only being eaten in the cafe.  Not even in the lobby where there is no art.  Not even to give a couple of bites of banana to a toddler.  Yeah...I tried.  Anyways, I was worrying about whether it was a good idea to bring Jack.  Turns out I should have worried about myself.  We were in this dead quiet room and there was a tour going on.  I reached under the stroller to grab something...no clue what.  I had to pick up Jack's snack trap for some reason to get to what I needed and apparently the lid wasn't on all the way.  It was of course completely full.  Cheerios went EVERYWHERE.  You would think that Cheerios wouldn't be loud when they fall on the floor.  You are wrong.  They are VERY loud.  Jason looked horrified.  He's such a museum guy...and totally gets embarrassed way easier then me.  So, I bashfully picked them all up and put them back in the trap and then 3 hours later proceeded to forget that they had fallen on the floor and handed them to Jack.  He ate 2 or 3 before I remembered.  Meh.  Just keeping that immune system strong.  :)  Oh, and then after the Cheerio incident I went to the cafe to feed Jack.  When I was walking out I pulled open the huge all-glass door wide enough so that I could get through with the stroller in one fell swoop.  Welp, pulled it way too hard apparently and it SLAMMED open.  I was certain I shattered the thing.  I didn't.  Just got a whole lot of stares.  Yikes.  I knew I didn't like museums.  ;)

And that's just a couple of things recently.  I'm sure there is way more.
I'm hoping I'm not the only one who does these types of things...right???  :)

Oh hey there!

Oh man.

I am alive.  Barely.

So much is going on/has happened.
Some good, some down right poopy, some just crazy.

But we are here.

I guess let's start with the poopy.  I didn't talk about the first miscarriage we had because...I didn't want to.  I was a little raw and in shock...and it wasn't something I was willing to share.  I remember thinking that I could not possibly emotionally survive another one.  Then we had Jack and I felt like there was lots of healing and just...I was ok.  God was there through it.  We survived.  Then a couple of weeks ago on my birthday we got what I thought was a perfect birthday present...a positive pregnancy test!  So exciting! 

A week went by though and it became evident that we wouldn't be seeing this little one on this side of heaven.  Deep in my heart I had a "feeling" that something was going to happen.  Even now I sit here and just...don't know what to feel.  I am very sad and yet...a little confused by the fact that it didn't rock me as hard as our first one.  Maybe it's because it was earlier this time, maybe because I had a strange feeling, maybe because it's hard to be sad with a happy crazy baby running around at your feet.  Maybe I just know that God is good.  I mean...really really is good.  I try to keep the perspective that life is full of good and bad...and yet somehow it is possible to receive good and benefit from BOTH good and bad things.  So...I hug my sweet little boy and thank God for him.  Life is so fragile.  Each baby is a miracle.  It's hard to not "go there" and think, sheesh, 2 out of 3...those aren't very good odds.  Was Jack just a one time miracle?  Will we get to have more babies?  I know, I know.  Not rational.  But it's hard to keep your thoughts in check.  Soooo...that's the latest, and not so greatest.  For some reason I felt the need to share this time.  Not exactly sure why but there it is.

Completely different subject.  A couple of weeks ago we got a job offer that we REALLY wanted to take but it literally involved us picking up and moving in less then 2 weeks to Los Angeles.  We were so tempted and yet...it just wasn't doable.  We really love the position and apparently there is a chance another position will open in January.  So be praying that this is the case because that would be perfect timing!  :)

Etsy.  This could be a whole blog post on it's own.  I am basically overwhelmed with orders.  Not a bad thing at all.  :)  Just takes some really good time management, some late nights, and a few more Elmo movies then I'm accustomed to showing to Jack (he definitely isn't complaining).  And can I just say...I feel so blessed.  So VERY blessed.  I actually applied to a part time work from home job right before I posted all the felt stuff.  We really needed a little extra income for student loans and etc.  I really thought I was going to get to the job and then...nope.  Jason had been bugging me to try to post my felt stuff for a while.  I was sorta like, "I tired Etsy...it was ok.  Kinda done with it."  After I got the rejection from the job Jason said, "Ok, you can apply to more jobs if you want but you have to promise me you will post your felt stuff.  I have a good feeling about it."  So, I did it.  And it's been two months...and I guess you can say, "the rest is history".  Last month I brought in as much as I would have made at that part time job.  God is SO good.  Will it last?  I don't know.  But I will keep working away and hopefully coming up with new ideas annnnnd...we will see what happens!  :)

Phew.  Well, that was a whole lot packed into one blog post...I will try to not ditch this little space for too long at a time. 

It's a HUGE mushroom!  Jason decided to confess his affection for me on it.  ;)

Thanks for reading friends!  Hope you enjoyed some of our vacation photos!!!

One Year DONE!

One year ago today I started a "fast".

A "clothing and buy anything for myself" fast.


The rules were...no clothes, shoes, accessories, or anything of that sort.  Toiletries are ok...if it can be bought at Target.  So...no Sephora (not that I'm a crazy Sephora person but I do use Philosophy face soap and some of their makeup).

It made me branch out and realize that you can do a lot of creative things with your old clothes when you are tired of them...without spending money.  For example:

I converted my bootcut pants into skinny pants.
I made a cute head scarf.
I made my own earrings out of felt.
I added cute contrasting fabric pockets to some of my plain t-shirts/tank tops.
I mixed and matched things that I wouldn't normally have thought of just to freshen it up a bit.
I wore shoes waaaaaaay longer then I ever would have normally...hello holey Toms.

Seriously...it was so good.
At times it was a little hard but in the end it was waaaay easier then I thought it would be.

I never really thought of myself as a person who is into "fashion" or whatever you want to call it.  Yet I felt myself trying to keep up.  And indulging in things that were not necessary or financially wise.  Indulging occasionally is totally fine if you have the money...but I was getting to that point where I just wanted so many things.  Like I would think about the things that I wanted way more then I should.  Too much time and energy was being put toward "wanting" things and not nearly enough time was being put toward "thankfulness".  Blak.

So...I let it all go.
And it was so very freeing.

But there were parts that were hard.  And everyone wants to know the hard stuff right?!?

So, first I started this 2 months after giving birth.  I had only bought a couple of things post-birth and so that was a little complicated.  Though I fit into my pre-pregnancy pants when I started this I thought that my body would completely return to pre-preg size and proportions.  I'm the same weight...but the body isn't quite the same.  My hips are just a tiny bit wider...enough to make my pants not entirely comfortable.  I am REALLY ready to buy a new pair of pants that fit WELL.  And to get rid of these current ones cause lets be honest...I ain't getting any smaller.  And can I just say...I LOVE LOOOOOVE my new hips.  I use "hips" loosely because I was an absolute stick before.  Now I'm a size 0 instead of a 00 haha.  Obnoxious I know.  ;)

Wedding season.  Um yeah, I had ZERO dresses that worked.  We compromised on this one and I got a 2nd hand dress for under $10.  I really like it, it's modest, and very baby friendly.  So technically this was my ONE purchase this last year.  Ooops.  It was a family wedding though...and I was going to be in the pics.  Yikes.  :)

Shoes.  This one I totally didn't see coming.  I bought a pair of Toms right after giving birth.  They were cute and fun but not really shoes that go with everything.  I also had an old pair of black Toms.  And my Toms ended up being the ONLY shoes that fit comfortably outside of my sandals.  All of my other shoes ended up being too small.  I don't know how much longer my feet are...maybe barely a half size but they are certainly wider and oye do my shoes hurt my feet.  So I wore my Rainbow sandals and black Toms everyday and now my Toms are in desperate need of being retired!  :)

All of my nice make-up made it the whole year because I'm pretty light with it.  My face soap lasted quite a while...until May I think.  I rationed it well.  :)  I could use a new bra or two FOR SURE now that I'm not nursing.

So I "needed" things and yet the level of need just wasn't that high.  I could make do.  And you know...some times I think it's good to make do.  I don't have to run out and buy everything immediately.  A little adjusting and trying to go without will not kill me.  It will certainly help our bank account that's for sure!  :)

So there you go.  I will be buying a new pair of jeans, and shoes. 
Otherwise though...I really feel no desire to shop.  I thought I'd be chomping at the bit but yeah...I'm pretty content for the moment.  :)

Busy Busy

Oh hey.

That's right...I DO have a blog.
Apparently I forget this fact.
But cut me some slack...it's SUMMER!
Well, not for long.  And you certainly wouldn't know it by looking around here.  We are in the midst of that two month summer stretch in San Francisco where it's like 62 degrees and uber foggy.  Blak. 

Also, Jason is on his one month break between summer and fall quarter.  That and losing a job, applying for more, skype interviews, etsy sales, caring for a baby, Jason gone backpacking, family in town, getting ready for our family vacation.  Crazy days man.  This little space has been a bit neglected.  But I'm here!  :)  Phew.

So, maybe I'll just do a little update post.

Job: We are applying all over...once again.  So far we only have one potential in San Francisco...and it's a definite possibility.  We also have applied to Washington, Oregon, and L.A.  Some of the positions start very...soon.  Kinda freaky, and kinda exciting at the same time.  So thank you for your prayers.  It seems like there has been a lot more response as far as interviews go this time around.  I'm thinking it may have to do with him having worked at UC Berkeley now???  Not sure.  We just continue to pray that God will direct us...and of course...He will.  :)

Jack: After a looong stretch of sleeping well we are going through a bumpy spot.  I finally got a good look into his mouth and he has started to cut the top two morals.  Between that and an ear infection...sleep has been a little hard to get lately.  :)  Like all stages this too shall pass.  Otherwise...he is such a joy.  He is discovering and doing SO much.  Every day he blows me away with what he learns.  We took him to the Sausalito kids museum and had a blast.  This age is SO fun.  I love being this kid's mama.

Anyways, Jason is backpacking and grandma is here hanging out with us.  Then we leave for some time with my side of the family and then a little family camping/backpacking trip with just the three of us...which could go great...or really really bad hahaha.  We will see.  :)

So, that's what is happening with us. 
See ya when we get back from vacay!!!  :)

Not Quite Done

Earlier this year Jason was teaching at a different university.

It became apparent that if I was going to ever see him...and if we wanted me to stay home full time...that he would need to find a new position.

So we applied everywhere.  All over California.  Even out of state.  And lo and behold...despite what everyone said about the difficulty to land a full time teaching position in the Bay Area he got an offer at UC Berkeley's ESL program.  It felt like such a gift.  I quit my job.  It was enough to keep us in the Bay Area and me home full time.  It seemed like we would be here for a while.  No more changes for a while.  No more uncertainty.

But then...

A week or so ago...after working at his new program for only a few months...Jason and the rest of the program was given word that the dean would be shutting down the program.  Jason will no longer have a job in December.  It has something to do with rent in San Francisco being too high.  They are losing the lease in their current building and are having a hard time finding a new place.  I guess there's no room on the actual Berkeley campus?  I don't know. (His program is in the downtown San Francisco location)  Anyways, so, we are starting all over again.

I go back and forth on what to think.
Part of me just feels so discouraged and completely annoyed that we have to apply for jobs AGAIN.  It's NOT a short process.  Academia applications are kinda ridiculous.  And then there's all the "what if's" you know.  Those things that totally freak you out.  Another part of me refuses to see this as a hopeless situation.  I am trying to embrace this and in my heart I of course acknowledge and know that this is completely in God's hands...and in His providence.  But it's still hard.

A couple of nights ago I sorta had a little thought/vision (that sounds way too spiritual haha).  I just imagined the Israelites and how they were complaining to God of how they didn't want to leave Egypt.  That it was too hard.  They they would rather stay with the familiar...the situation that is by no means ideal but easy...because it's known.  And then there's God who is shaking His head and saying, "You silly Israelites.  I am taking you from something that is not ideal and putting you somewhere where you will flourish.  Stop reaching back to hold onto the scruff, the mud, and the toil and put out your hands to hold onto Me."

"Come to me all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

For in all honesty...there isn't a huge future for us in San Francisco.  We basically tread water financially.  We could never EVER buy a house here.  And really, that was ok to us.  Jason and I are the types to just be...content.  We are okay in almost any situation.  Which is such a blessing...but also can breed complacency.

So we are trying our hardest to trust God in this time.  Knowing that every single thing is in His plan and never once have I looked back on a thing and thought, "That event had zero value...it was worthless."  We learn, we grow, we fall more in love with each other and with our Jesus with every passing trial.

So that's where we are at.
We have no clue what our life will look like after December.
And that's really scary.
And also a tiny bit exciting at the same time...if I really think about it.  ;)


On a completely different note!
So I have a little Etsy shop.  It's linked to one of the pictures to the right.  I've literally had it for 3 or so years and for most of it it's sat dormant.  I'd add a thing here and there...sell a thing here and there.  It was a fun little random outlet I had.  Well in the last month or two I've put a little more time and effort into it.  I even set a financial goal for the month and I exceeded it!  How fun is that?!?  I mean, it was nothing crazy but still...kinda cool.  I'm having a lot of fun with it and it's been a nice little blessing in the midst of a lot of craziness.  :)

Anyways, if you think of us you can be praying for direction...and a new job.  Also for Jason to be able to push through these last few months.  It's really hard to be motivated and do your best when you know that your work is going to end...it sorta just feels purposeless you know?  So yeah.

That's all!
Thanks for reading!

Have a great weekend friends!
:)