Thursday, February 27, 2014

The Have's and Have Not's--The Mama Version.

You know what?  I've been doing a lot of thinking about myself, my habits, and my spending.
When this happens...it gets dangerous.  And slightly annoying ha.  So watch out.

So...I'm buying into the lie.

I'm buying into the lie that I have to have THE best.  That I deserve THE best.  That if I don't have THE best then other people will look at us and think, "Oh...that's too bad."

I don't know where this came from.  I mean I used to be totally cheap.  Spending more then $20 on anything outside of mandatory bills and a grocery trip used to make me cringe.

And now here I am researching umbrella strollers (spending an embarrassing amount of time on it).  I'm looking at $250 umbrella strollers!  WHAT?!? That's ridiculous.  I mean I want it to last through a couple of kids and it needs to have some unique features to make it compatible with our San Francisco life but when did spending $250 on a stroller (a backup stroller I might add) become non-cringeworthy?

I mean.  If we made double what we made...maybe we could do that...maybe.

But we don't.

We pay our bills.  We have a student loan.  We have just enough to have a little extra and put a tiny TINY amount into savings.

So, what am I doing?  What are WE doing?

I know I'm not alone.

I've had my eye on a double stroller (NOT pregnant, just admiring for the possible future) that is get this...$600.  When looking at the stroller I tried not to think about.  You know, deny the fact that it literally costs HALF of what we paid for our little pick-up truck.  But when I see it typed out $600 it makes me kinda sick.  I have a few friends up here who have that stroller.  And I think it's fine because I know that they HAVE the money to spend...and still give plenty to others.

But we don't.

Spending money on the supposed BEST right now is a huge sacrifice for us.  It means that we give less...or maybe not at all.  I would imagine there is some mother out there...in the U.S. or abroad who is lugging her child around and would gladly take one of those cheap $20 umbrella strollers.

I think when it boils down to it...I think about what kind of message it's sending to my son.

He doesn't know what's going on right now but he will soon.  How awesome would it be if one day when given the choice he chooses the cheaper item...that is really just as functional, because he sees the wisdom in spending within his means.  How MUCH more awesome would it be if one day, given the financial opportunity, he chooses the cheaper, functional item so that he can give the extra money he saved to someone in need.

This is very unlikely to happen unless I begin modeling it myself.

So there you go.  I don't think I really felt this pull and pressure until I had to start buying baby products.  I guess I typed all this out as sort of a public proclamation of my desire to spend within my means, to sacrifice my "I'm the mom with the BEST products for my kids" image.  Because really...it's a dumb image.  There, I said it.  It's dumb because it's not real.  Or sustainable.  Or what I really want to be known for.  I also maybe want to speak to anyone who is feeling the same pressures and temptations and let them know...that I feel you, you're not alone...and we don't have to buy into it.  Our kids are loved by how much time we spend with them, the tickles, the hugs, the kisses...not because he has the best stroller, shoes, outfit, swaddle blankets on the block.

**I am well aware of the fact that the more expensive stuff is often touted as the "safest" stuff.  Toys made in Denmark vs. China and etc.  That makes me sad.  ALL toys should be equally safe and equally non-toxic.  There shouldn't BE this divide.  Every mother should have the opportunity to buy a toy or product and KNOW FOR A FACT that it is safe and non-toxic.  No mother should have to sacrifice safety because she can't afford the alternative.  Or maybe...just maybe...those plastic toys aren't ALL that bad.  I think that there is definitely a bit of fear tactic used sometimes by other, higher end companies.  But THAT is a whole different post. ha.  :)**

11 comments:

  1. So, you don't know me, but just wanted to throw this out there. There is a difference in FUNCTION of super cheap umbrella strollers and the fancier ones (we've been through a few). A lot of the cheap ones don't allow you to take a full step without kicking the back axle (super annoying and I think would be even more so in SF with all those hills). That being said, I am a big fan of the cheapest Maclaren stroller (we also got the cup holder and Skip Hop's storage attachment). You can easily steer it one handed, it folds up easily, and all of them come with a rain cover. You can also find a few Maclarens on Craig's List. I totally get the wanting the best out there and (let's be honest) the cutest. Ugh, buying baby stuff! A lot of it SEEMS so necessary until you actually think about it. Stay strong girl! Also, the great thing about double strollers is that since it is your second baby you don't really need anything except for the double stroller, so it makes a great group shower gift for you (I don't know about $600, but hey maybe you have some super nice friends!).

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    1. Emilie! I totally agree on the umbrella stroller. My husband basically forbids me from buying anything that will likely fall apart quickly...because you're basically wasting money at that point. We need something strong, durable, and light weight so yeah. I think I just need to find the balance in all of it. I also want to BE shocked at expensive things...not be numb to it you know? And that Maclaren stroller is definitely in the running. It's a price that we can afford...sround $100 rather then $250 haha. I think though that I will miss the recline on it. What do you think??? I was looking at the next step up which has a recline. It will be close to the same price for me in the end as the cheaper one because I have a Babies R Us credit I need to get rid of :)

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    2. My kids are not good stroller sleepers so the incline was not as important for us. They would really only sleep in the carrier. If yours does well sleeping in a stroller, I would definitely go for the recline. A bonus to that is that you will be able to use the stroller a little earlier with the next one. Also, if you buy the cup holder and take the stroller on an airplane, remove the cup holder before checking it. Baggage handlers are not gentle and it is designed in such a way that it gets snagged very easily.

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  2. Love this, Anna. Cue the song "Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus".... :-)

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  3. And... start looking NOW for double BOB strollers on Craigslist!! We found ours after about a year of looking. It was still around $400, but it was a 2011 (the year we bought it) and in perfect condition. We use it ALLLLLLL the time. So, a big chunk of change, but at a discounted price. :-)

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    1. Yeah, we are taking really good care of our current single BOB. We'll probably sell it (if the need arises :) ) and get a double. I just love my BOB. Especially in this crazy city! :)

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  4. My cousin gave us her Maclaren Volo. I love the light weight! For some reason it didn't have a canopy though! She must have taken it off. I do miss the recline feature and have been eyeing the next level up too though. I would like to see one first. Also research the lollipop consignment sale in your area - twice a year, I'm sure they would be selling a lot there. I think a solid umbrella stroller is worth it bc even with baby 2, you will be doing moby/ergo for a while before you need the double. Plus they store small!!! I have wasted many A night on Amazon looking at strollers. A few negative reviews totally ruin it for me. For example there is one good umbrella one that reclines (or claims to) then reviewers say it's only 3 inches. His is why I want to try out the Maclaren Quest. I will say having travelled with the Volo it is so lightweight and easy, and I just put a hat on John to block the sun.

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    1. What about the Maclaren Globetrotter???? It seems like a middle ground between the Volo and the Quest. They are like $160. It reclines but still has the light weight thing going for it. I think this is the one that we are going to get. I have a credit on BabiesRUs that I need to use so it will make it cheaper. wahoo!

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  5. i also believe in quality, but there are quality items to be had with value prices. as i get ready now for the baby's arrival, i will be canvassing all of my friends for hand-me-downs. i'll be on craigslist and all the mommy boards looking for free stuff or discounted items. there is no way i'm spending top dollar for merchandise my kid will only need for a year or so.

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    1. Exactly Catherine! :) Quality is huge. But I don't want to buy something for the "image of possessing the best and most expensive". I think it just comes down to being practical and living within your means. Yay for hand-me-downs and Craigslist.

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  6. Good post and points!

    I think the blogging world has made this so much worse for me. You see all these images of the moms who "have it all together" with lovely, mismatchedly dressed children and all the best things, forgetting that they often get many of these products for free. And beyond that, they just aren't necessary. It becomes a competition where there really isn't any, and I sometimes just have to step back and see that. That being said, I definitely am someone who weighs out the pros and cons of spending on certain items that I know I want to last, as I'm sure you are too when it's an actual quality and not status issue!!

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