I totally thought that the competition/comparative living would stop after high school.
Then I got to college and I found myself comparing grades/friends/clothes/better answers to that very deep philosophical problem (philosophy major here, hollah!)/boys and etc.
Then as college came to an end I thought, ahhh, yes, now, NOW I will be content and fulfilled and no longer compare myself to anyone, right?
But then it became about who we were dating, when we were going to get married.
And then when we were all happy and married it became...how much money do you make/is your car nice/do you own your house/how many readers does your blog have/do you buy organic/do I leave a smaller carbon footprint than you...
And though I'm not there yet with kids it becomes...do you co-sleep/do you let them cry it out/how long did you breastfeed for/do you have the latest and greatest new baby contraption/what the HECK you actually let your child TOUCH the Target cart? (Seriously, I actually saw one mother reprimand another because she didn't use the towel sanitizers on the cart before she put her 3 year old in. REALLY??? News flash lady...YOUR mom probably didn't use sani-wipes on the carts you rode in and you're still okay...albeit, not very nice...but that's a different issue.)
Anyways, I think I thought that as you get older you have less to worry about, you're more mature, you're more secure...you don't size others up as often. I have realized though that I was wrong. So wrong. Really, in high school we had 4 worries. 4 things to think about.
1) How do I look? Am I pretty/handsome etc?
2) How are my clothes?
3) Am I well liked?
4) Will I kick that girl's butt at the State cross country meet? (Oh wait, you didn't have that worry? weird.)
It seems now that we all have way more than 4 basic insecurities. We have all those PLUS a ton more.
I just sometimes feel overwhelmed at how competitive life feels at times. And I feel really refreshed when I hang out with people who aren't interested in the competition of life. Who live simply and purposefully. Not purposing to simply be the best dressed, the best at this, the best at that. I think the San Francisco life is just catching up with me. We live in a very rich city that is competitive in everything. Parking, driving, walking, renting a house, getting an appointment with your doctor for that matter. Everything is a race to beat the person next to you. Some of this is inevitable with living in a large city and I've grown rather accustomed to it to be honest.
But I don't want to become accustomed to the habit of comparative living. We really only to need to compare ourselves to one person to put us in our place. That's Jesus and next to Him we all fall a little short...you know...just a smidgen. :)
So, all this rambling is to say...I just want to live and be me. And have the values and beliefs that are honoring to God...and not feel silly or dumb if I think something is important that someone else doesn't agree with or vice versa. So, I like to shop organic and you don't. That's fine! And say you're totally into the idea of co-sleeping with your kids and I'm not. That's fine too. We're all different and why not embrace it instead of judging one another? Because we all think WE are the right one's, that's why hahaha. :) But, maybe, just maybe...there isn't always one right answer for everything. Maybe each person has a solution that is unique to them and their personality. (I know, this causes me to claim some sort of relativism which is so not me...but only on minor stuff people...don't get all excited.)
I also don't want to focus so much on silly things that go out of fashion in a year but to invest, and be filled with the joy of our Lord. It's so hard to do these things. I know I suck at it. In the end though, I just want to be who God made me to be without fear of judgement...and even more so I want others to be who God made them to be with out me or anyone else judging them. I mean really, why can't we all just love each other? (I know, I am soooo hippie sometimes.) :)
**Just wanted to say that there was no event in particular that has spurred this post. It's just something that I've observed/experienced in life. Something I have been processing lately :) **