Sometimes God Shuts the Door...IN YOUR FACE

Welp.

I didn't get in.

What ever do you mean are you asking???

Ok.  So I received my B.A. in Philosophy.  I always had the intention to get my M.A. in it and teach.  Right after undergrad though I was so burnt out that there was no way in heck I was going back to school.  Time passed, I got married, Jason got his M.A., he's now working, we had a baby.  All along though we were aware of the fact that right down the street from us...where Jason works at SFSU, they offered a really good M.A. in Philosophy...for pretty affordable.  It came to the point that we thought, well...maybe I should apply?  Jason was done with school, I'm working less, and I could just chip away at it. It would require Jason to find work in S.F. but otherwise it could work out.  Why not?  Let's go for it we said.

I started out very detached from it.  It was a sort of whatever happens, happens thing.  Then the more I thought about it the more I got a little excited.  I felt like it could really work out.  I would take a while getting through the program, maybe have a couple of babies in the middle and then by the time they are older and in school I could teach a little part time.  Great plan right?

Well, it wasn't God's plan.

Basically I applied a couple of months ago.  I kept waiting for my transcripts to clear.  They never did, so I sent a second batch.  This whole time the admissions professor in my program is contacting me telling me that he can't admit me until I'm cleared with admissions from the school (you are admitted by both SFSU and your program).  School is starting MONDAY...as in THIS Monday and I still wasn't cleared. I called admissions for the 4th time and they finally cleared the transcripts because "they were confused since the last name wasn't the same as my new married name."  Really???  So, once it cleared they said that it would give me a status in a day or two.

I checked the admissions status the next day. 

I was regretfully informed that I did not get in.

It felt like a kick in the stomach.  I mean I had been in touch with the program..it certainly felt like I was in.  I didn't care when I first applied a couple of months ago but I cared now.  I was a little excited to be once again in the academia world. 

I don't know about the why's on not being admitted.  The graduate program works on a rolling basis and so the earlier you apply/are cleared the better.  I'd say 4 days before school starts is cutting it a little close...though it certainly wasn't my fault.  Who knows, maybe my grades weren't high enough.  It doesn't really matter.

The funny thing though is that once the initial shock of being basically rejected wore off..I felt a little...relieved?  I knew that it would be hard.  Homework, time in class, time with my family.  it seemed like it would be really hard to do it all.  I knew though that if this was something God wanted for us...that he would give us the strength needed.  I also prayed that if He didn't want me to do grad school...that I wouldn't get in.  Then there were no ifs, ands or buts about it.  I guess He answered loud and clear.

I also feel at peace because I feel like my roll at home has been even more confirmed.  I knew I wanted to be a stay at home mom...and yet I feel like I try to find any out I can haha.  Is that not weird?  Maybe a part time job just to give us some extra money?  Grad school?  I feel very confirmed in our decision to keep me home...even if it means we are poor and won't ever buy a house.  God will provide.  He will provide enough so that I can stay home.  I tried to do grad school.  I prayed God would make it clear.  He did.  I'm glad he did.  Overall...I'm really okay with not getting in.  Really. 

That's why I felt the need to tell you.
Even though I'm still a little embarassed I was REJECTED.
Oh well.  A little rejection is good for everyone.  :)  Keeps you humble.