Friday, September 21, 2012

Part 2: Selflessness

Part 2 of my little series!  :)  What series?  THIS series!

Look!  I spelled the title right!  Yay me!  On the last post I spelled the title "Finanances" or something fantastically illiterate like that!  :)

“Above all the grace and the gifts that Christ gives to his beloved is that of overcoming self.”
― St. Francis of Assisi

Oh dear.


This is something that I am not good at.

Before Jason entered grad school I thought that I was maybe, kinda, sorta, ok at it...sometimes.

Then grad school came and it invaded our lives, and I worked full time, and managed the house, and the finances and well...everything but Jason's school stuff, and I had about 212 "Oh woe's me, I'm so busy, and tired, and I do all the chores, and I don't want to do a single EXTRA thing on top of what I am already doing" moments.  You know those?  Ever had one of those?  Table for the Pity Party...Party of 1.  Yeah...good times.

I honestly feel like I'm better suited to write a how to NOT be selfless post.  I'm an expert at that.

Like when Jason wanted me to listen, like really NEEDED me to listen to him regarding his project and I rolled my eyes...literally, ROLLED my eyes as if I was a hormonal 14 year old being asked to do something by my parents.  Nice. (Don't worry, he gave me a speech about how I should support him because I'm his wife and that's what we do for each other...have no fear, I felt thoroughly guilty).

Or the 20 times he explained something that he was having trouble with and needed advice on...something that he really felt was important and I pretty much just stared at him...watching the words leave his mouth but not even attempting to put together any sort of thoughts or encouraging words for him...only in the end to say, "Oh, I don't know Jason".  Wife of the Year Award, right here!!!


So hard.

But let me tell you...there were a few times where I was actually sorta selfless.  And it seemed to have nothing to do with me.  It had a lot to do with the amount of time I spent in the Word though.  A reliance and absolute dependence on God's grace and mercy.  A literal, "I am too tired and too brain dead to do this Lord.  YOU have to do this, give me the strength...somehow...please."  Yep, that's how it's done I guess.

In the end selflessness is the most unemotional action there is.  It's literally the act of pushing aside all the emotions and just doing something...even though you don't feel like it, even though you might be annoyed at the moment, even though it might frustrate you, even though you are so darn tired.  You do it despite the emotions that you are feeling.  You do it for the whole benefit of someone else.  Yeah.  Yet, in the end...I benefited.  It must be one of those cool "God design" things.  When you live the way He commands you to live you gain joy and love and all these things you didn't even realize lived with in you at the moment.

Thanks God.  :)

And that's my bit on selflessness....and how I failed/fail...and how God is so good and the ultimate model of selflessness.  He died for us. 

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