Pregnancy has been a "just trust" thing for me.
After our first miscarriage, getting pregnant again was scary. There were "what if it happens again" fears. But the Lord was telling me to "just trust".
As the pregnancy progressed more fears came up. Before I could feel this little one moving, with each pre-natal appointment there was the fear "what if there's no heartbeat". As the day draws closer and closer when he enters this world there are fears of a safe delivery, a healthy baby, and etc. But God has been whispering, "just trust".
Then there was the financial side of it all. There was a one month period where doctor bills were coming in but Jason wasn't teaching because of winter break. I had moments of "how is this all going to work out?" and God said, "just trust." My work gave me an end of the year bonus that exceeded Jason's missed income for the month.
Now as the end is getting closer and closer and my maternity leave begins in 7 weeks there is the "what about after maternity leave" question. Do I go back to work? Can we afford to lose my income? So many questions. Yet we were trying to "just trust".
Though it would be lovely to completely stay home it became apparent that in the end I needed to bring home some sort of income. Not necessarily the amount I'm doing now but enough to cover two major expenses...our health insurance and Jason's student loan. Yet, there was this problem. We really feel strongly about the role of the mother in the home...and the father for that matter :) How do we do both?
In the end we decided that I could work Fridays and Saturdays...and that was it. Jason would be home to watch the little man on those 2 days because he teaches Mon-Thur (it would be daddy/baby bonding day :)). I would be cutting my hours down from 40 hours/week to 14 hours/week. What if my job said no? There were many "what ifs" and yet in the end I felt at peace. We have no family in the area to babysit for free. Daycare wasn't an option. The price of it to my income ratio didn't make sense AND...it just wasn't something we wanted to do. I knew that if my job said no then that would be that...and in the end...the Lord would provide a way for it all to work out. He was saying, "just trust".
And you know, my work agreed. They are fine with me only working Fridays and Saturdays. "Just trust." Okay, okay God, I get the point. You provide. Sheesh. :)
So, it's settled. 2 months of leave. Returning at 14 hours/week. Baby E will either be with me (mostly), his daddy, or the both of us. We feel blessed. :)
what i wore
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