Jack's First Christmas--Round One

Christmas with kids is SO fun.

I am a total holiday person.  I like to make heart shaped pancakes on Valentines, green milk on St. Patty's Day, and etc.  I decorate for Thanksgiving and Christmas and I love holiday traditions.  All of these things are fun with just Jason and I...I'm fortunate to have a man who totally appreciates these things.  It's all the more fun though with kids.  They get so excited at the small things.  Granted, Jack had no clue what was going on but it was still so sweet to start traditions.  Things like new PJ's and a Christmas book on Christmas Eve and etc.  We of COURSE had to go see Santa too.  :)

We spent Christmas Eve with my mom and dad-in law.  So, let's call this Christmas Round 1...as I'm still waiting for pictures from my parents.  :)



At Santa's House.  I personally think SLO's Santa House is SO cute.  :)

So funny story on the Santa thing.  I was a little nervous to see how Jack would react being thrust into the lap of a strange man in a red suit.  Turns out we hand Jack to Santa and SANTA ended up being the one who was nervous/wigged out.  He was rushing us to take the picture as fast as possible.  I'm thinking he's had one to many babies freak out with him haha.  Jack was totally content being held.  When I took Jack back Santa said, "We'll see how he does NEXT year!"  True, true Santa.  :)

Waiting in line for Santa...look how BIG my baby is!  Ahhh!

Family Picture! <3

Christmas Eve present time!

Auntie Joanna on sock duty.  :)  (Yes, he has no pants on.  It was like 80 degrees haha)

Apparently strings on toys are the MOST fun.

Totally cute new beanie from Grandma...with drooly chin and all. <3

Jack got a plethora of new wooden toys.  He's a little young for this one but Daddy enjoyed it. :)

Uncle Love <3

Papa reading up on the toys he will make for Jack ;)

He loves his new giraffe...really all things giraffe.  :)

Such a sweet time with family.  He is getting to the point where his face definitely lights up when you hand him a new toy.  He really loved that giraffe above.  I can't wait for the Christmas's to come.  Where we can teach him the true reason behind the season and see his excitement and anticipation.

Hope you all had a blessed Christmas...and Happy New Year!!!  :)

6 Months

So hard to get a non-blurry shot!!!

Our booger is 1/2 a year old.

I've said it once and I will say it again...and again...AND AGAIN!  Oh my golly where o where is the time going?!?  It is just flying by.

So, let's do a little 6 month update on our little Jacko-boy.

This last month Jack...

Visiting grandpa's plane

• is now sitting up all on his own
• with the onset of sitting up we have just recently retired the baby bathtub and he's rockin' his baths in the big boy tub.  So fun!  He LOVES to splash like a mad man.  Cuteness galore.
• is like days from crawling (or so it seems).  He's up on his hands and knees and rocks back and forth...he keeps trying to go forward but manages to go backwards instead usually.  We are now in a serious organizing/purge mode because there are far too many things for a little baby to get into. :)
• We started solids!  He loves his cereal and his applesauce so far!  :)
• is officially unswaddled!  And sleeping in his crib!  F-I-N-A-L-L-Y!
• we are still working on the random wake-ups through out the night, ahem.  Really, he just does it an hour or so after we put him down and then won't go back to sleep for like an hour.  After our Christmas vacation we will be laying the smack down.  haha.
• the boy is in a serious Momma phase and I must say...I sorta love it.
• he was freely giving kisses to both me and Jason and all of a sudden he will only kiss me.  We try to coax him to kiss Daddy but nope...little stinker!
• Jack's first Christmas is coming up and I'm so excited.  I guess that's not really a 6 month update but...you know.  :)
• He plays.  Like really plays with toys.  Super fun!

escape artist...he got his legs out of his PJ's





Mastered scooting backwards--so I find him under furniture haha







Cranky baby--and can't fix the side ways thing haha

 6 months with our little guy!  It is truly a blessing to be a mama.  I love the little guy so much and we are having so much fun with him as he begins to show more and more of his little personality.  We thank the Lord for our little Jacko!



Bullet Post!

Hey hey friends!  Let's do some random updates eh?  Here we go...

• I'm starting to think that having a baby is a lot like having a puppy.  I caught Jack chewing on his dad's slippers.  When I took it away he was very distraught.  Weird kid.
• Yesterday a woman cut in front of me and stole the gas pump I had been waiting patiently for.  I knocked on my window and mouthed that I was going for that pump and she, get this...ROLLED her eyes at me and stole it anyways.  Gah!  I so wanted to roll down the window and call her something not very nice...but I didn't.  Yay for self-control.
• Jack is now mobile.  Not quite crawling...but very efficient army crawling.  Oh my goodness!!!  :)
• Someone stole my Christmas wreath from my front door.  Boo.
• I received a very awesome ornament package from my ornament buddy!  More on that later.  And I need to mail mine tomorrow!  hehe.
• I have a 6 MONTH OLD!!! Ack.  There is a 6 month post to come!
• I have been working 7 of the last 9 days.  I am trying to cram in as much work before we leave for Christmas break.  Jason is done with work for the next 5 weeks.  Because of this...we are not receiving income from him for that time.  Sooooo...I'm at work close to full time.  It's making me really REALLY value the ability to stay home with my boy.  It's been a tough week being away from him so much.  :(  I miss the little sinker.  But he's getting valuable Daddy time.  He's just changing SO much right now so it's a little hard for me to be away from him.  I feel like I'm missing it.  Oh well.  I'll be home again in February.  
• I have discovered chalk board paint.  SO FUN!  :)
• Jack took his first header onto our tile floor.  I knew it would come eventually.  He was sitting there and did one of those forward lunges for something.  He is 90% stable when sitting up but sometimes still forgets.  I watched it happen and heard the thunk.  Sadness.  He has a little red/purple bump on his forehead.  Good thing I'm getting a new area rug for Christmas eh?
• I am loving having the husband home.  He is so helpful and it's so wonderful to have 5 weeks to reconnect and be together...even if I do have to go to work.  :)

Welp!  Happy Thursday amigos!!! <3

Transparent

I'm going to be a little transparent here.

I feel like a lot of times my blog posts are a bit surfacy and fun.  Which is sorta how I roll.

Let me preface this post by saying that even when everything is going poorly...I'm still a pretty happy go lucky person.  I have no idea why or how but that just seems to be how I'm wired.  :)

Anyways.

Do you ever feel like you are just doing everything sub-par?  Like I kinda suck at life right now.
Maybe this is what it's like to have kids haha.  I guess I felt like I was always one of those people who were kinda "on it".  Or at least my post college self ha.  I feel like I'm keeping a float...but just barely.

I'm pretty sure I haven't been in the Word since Jack was born (6 MONTHS PEOPLE!!!)...except for church and Bible study.  It's sucking me dry and I feel like my soul is so thirsty for scripture but for what ever reason I have little to no desire...and little to no time.  I think these may go hand in hand.  The little time I muster for myself just doesn't end in me reading God's word.  It usually ends in zoning out on the computer.  blak.

Jason and I are juggling crazy schedules to keep us financially afloat where there is very little time to be together.  I feel like I'm more snappy and naggy and I HATE HATE HAAAAAAATE that.  Nothing worse then a snappy, nag of a wife.  Double blak.

Finances are...meh.  No real details needed here but let's just say we're poor.  I'm desperate to build up our savings again but with medical bills, insurance premiums, and etc it's been hard.  Thankfully our insurance premiums dropped DRASTICALLY with Obama care (I know, it's controversial but it took our premiums from almost $1000/month to about $250.)  The old premiums were causing us to live beyond our means.  :(  (KIDS ARE EXPENSIVE)

Jack.  Oh my sweet little baby.  The kid gets so much lovin' and tenderness during the day but at night.  ahem.  I am ashamed/embarrassed to say how frustrated I felt with him last night and his lack of sleep.  I picked him up a bit more roughly then normal and then felt so guilty afterward.  He seemed completely unphased haha.  I was just so tired.  SO TIRED.  Why Jack don't you sleep???  But he's a baby...A BABY!  Why would I get frustrated with a baby?  Because I'm human I guess.  Triple blak.

And then there's my disaster of a house, the laundry that never ends, the dishes that I would rather poke out my eyes then wash, the organization that NEEDS to happen because if I live in that disorder one.more.day I may go certifiably mad.  Like seriously, I think I'm borderline OCD.

But then you just STOP.
And realize that these things are really not that big of a deal.  I have a beautiful little boy who thinks I'm pretty darn cool despite my flaws, a husband who shows such grace and love through my nagging, a God who is forgiving and always there despite my pitiful prayers and lack of time in His Word...and we have a roof over our head, food in our refrigerator...jobs with steady incomes.

It's just so easy to get caught up in what's not going right isn't it?  But we are blessed.  Really and truly blessed. 

Anywho, that's a little bit of my mind and heart as of late.
Thanks for letting me vent.  <3

Oh Hey There!

I'm uh-live homies.  Have no fear.

So, we are back from a week down in SLO.  And I have two words to describe that whole ordeal.
 1)  EXHAUSTING
 2)  LOVELY

Exhausting...because apparently Jack doesn't love his pack n' play.  Lovely.  The last time we were down there he was small enough to probably not realize that he was in a different bed.  This time...he realized.  For the first 3 nights he literally woke up almost every hour.  And then was up and going at 6am.  He usually wakes up between 8 and 9 am.  SHOOT ME.  We ended up pulling him into our bed eventually but we are used to our king sized at home and I just laid there thinking I was going to roll over on him/push him off the bed.  Not much sleep.

Lovely...because it's always so sweet to see our family love on our little guy.  I wish we lived closer but that's okay.  There's something about being around others who gush over your baby to help remind you how truly blessed you are.  Jason and I both agreed that it makes us cherish and appreciate our little booger all the more.  :) 

Anyways, I feel like the boy is just evolving all of a sudden into...more of a little boy.  I mean, he's still a baby but yeah...he's not our tiny baby.  He can now almost sit up, he is getting unbelievably close to crawling, he's now in 6-12 month clothes, his first tooth came in and #2 is on it's way, he grabs EVERYthing.  SEE!  No longer our tiny baby.  Kinda sad but also very fun.  :)

Anywho, that's all for now!  Hope everyone had a marvy Thanksgiving. :) 

On Being "Mama" and Last Call!!!

It's the last call to get in on our awesome Christmas ornament trade!!!  You can find the original post HERE!  Just wanted to put that out there.  Those of you who are joining in on the fun you should receive an email requesting your mailing address soon and then another email with your "ornament partner" the first week of December!  :)  I'm super excited.

Well, I just did our little man's 5 month growth post.  5 months.  Still blows my mind.

I thought that this would be a good time to do another "Mama Reflection".  I feel like I am constantly processing this thing called "motherhood".  I don't know why it's taken me so long to realize it but I'm a very reflective...internalizing type of person.  I guess that was why I was a philosophy major in college eh?

So.

Here we are.  5 months...and a bit more...after Jacko's birth.

I didn't expect to have feelings that ran so deep for this kid.  I am not a "wear your heart on your sleeve" type of gal.  I'm not ooey gooey, affectionate but holy cow this kid has me almost undone.  And it's so very good.  I mean, I'm still me.  Slightly sarcastic, joking...you know.  But there is a definite tenderness that I've gained from becoming a mama.  I'm glad.  I was actually a little afraid that I wouldn't be very "maternal".  But it's there.  I'm maternal like no one's biz.  Have no fear.  :)

Being a stay at home mom is pretty darn boring sometimes.  And yet I feel...full.  Like what I'm doing is just right.  How can wiping up drool, soothing and cuddling a fussy baby, and changing diapers over...and over...and OVER feel so gosh darn right?  I don't know.  I mean, don't get me wrong.  There are times when I would like to find a babysitter and run off for a few hours on my own.  There are many times actually haha.  But when it's all said and done I know that I'm where I am supposed to be.  At home.  With our boy.

A fabulously fantastic friend recently posted an instagram post that mentioned all the things she could be doing/needs to get done but that at the moment her baby just needs her to be snuggling him.  That is spot on to how I've been feeling as of late.  The house is a mess, the dishes need to be done...don't even get me started on the state of our bathroom and yet...it's not important.  Right now, I have this tiny little human who needs me.  Who needs my love, my hugs, my attention.  Everything else can wait.  Because he WON'T wait.  He won't wait to grow up, to be independent, to not need me so much.  5 months have passed already.  The next 5 will fly by too.  Pretty soon he will be a toddler running around our house...and he will just keep growing.  And I don't want to look back and think, "Dang, my house was clean even though I had a baby."  I want to look back and know that I hugged, loved, and cherished these sweet baby moments.  Baby moments that are so fleeting and I just don't want to miss them.  :)

4 Months...and 5 months

Our little man is 5 months old!!!  How can that be?!?  These last 5 months have flown by.

Because my camera cord is still MIA this is a 4 and 5 month combo.  So, first I'll hit on 4 months since it's already written (sans pictures because...they're on the camera) and then I'll conquer 5 months (with pics because they're on my phone).  :)

So, what was going on in Jackland at 4 months?  Well, apparently he...

-smiles like a boss
-laughs out loud
-loves to squeal just to hear himself
-rolls over from back to stomach...still hasn't figured out the stomach to back thing.
-stands/sits up with minimal support
-at his 4 month appointment he was 15 lbs (50th %).
-drools/chews on EVERYTHING
-loves his baths but is growing out of his tub (we have the PUJ tub, boo!)
-still wakes up once or twice a night
-loves, LOVES to be out and about
-would be absolutely happy if I carried him in the Ergo 24-7.

Things he's not so keen on:
-Tummy time.  Hence the reason I would be quite happy if he figured out how to roll BACK over once he's on his tummy.
-Being left in a room alone.  He follows you with his eyes all around the room and as soon as he can't see you he cries.
-the car/carseat.  Still pretty much hates it.  Did I mention we're going down south 3 times in the next couple of months???  :)  Good times.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  :)

Jack @ 5 Months

-can now kinda roll over from stomach to back...though I'm still not convinced he's completely aware that he's doing it.
-chewing and drooling on everything.  I swear I can feel a tooth but I can't SEE one...so weird.  I guess time will tell eh?
-grasps and plays with things pretty actively.  He's just NOW starting to enjoy the playmat.

-he seems to be a stomach sleeper.  So weird.  I feel like he's so old now.  Choosing his sleep position and all.  We are still trying to figure out the whole sleep training thing.  Basically it's completely on hold until he's 6 months and we start solids.  Oh and the weaning from the swaddle went terrible.  5 days and no sleep for anyone we finally put it back on.  I let him roll over while swaddled to see how he does and guess what....completely fine.  His neck it definitely strong enough and because he's in a swaddle sleep sack he can still get his arms out...which he did.  And then proceeded to fall asleep on.his.own.  Which was a first!  So there you go.  The swaddle stays haha.

-for the last month he's been doing these "sit ups" where I think he's pretty sure he's going to be able to sit up.   Kid is getting some hardy ab muscles though from it haha.

-scoots forward while on his tummy...though I wouldn't call him "mobile" just yet.  :)
-plays independently for a small amount of time.
-proud to say that he LOVES his mama.  He is such a mama's boy right now...though I'm sure the "daddy phase" is soon to come.  :)

-gives kisses.  Full mouth, slobbery kisses.  He loves to do it and then looks so proud afterwards.  Melt my heart.
-had some firsts!  First Halloween, first trip to the beach!  Can't wait for the little man's first Thanksgiving and 1st Christmas!  yay!

We love you Jacko!  We thank the Lord for such a sweet, fun little boy!  God is good!  :)

Lately...

Good grief.  I can't believe that it's been almost a week since my last post.  What the what?!?  Where does time go?

So, what's been going on in my world as of late?  A little of this, a little of that.

-Jason has a 3 day weekend coming up and decided to take Tuesday off too.  We currently only have Sundays together which are filled with church and Jason usually going to school to lesson plan.  Jason has class Mon-Thur. and I work Fri-Sat.  This week though I have Saturday off so we get Sat-Tues together...YES! (Did you get all that? ha)  We are planning a little day trip to Santa Cruz and a day of hiking.  Good family time is definitely needed right now.
-I still can't find my camera cord and it's driving me nuts-o.  Maybe I should be taking the time to look for it during Jack's nap instead of blogging...?  naaaaah.
-Speaking of Jack.  We are trying to ditch the swaddle.  Night 1 was okay.  He would wake himself up 2 or 3 times before he finally went down.  Night 2 was like a normal night of sleep when he was in the swaddle.  I was all, "Yeah buddy!  That's wasn't so bad."  Night 3...um yeah.  11pm, 12am, 1:30am.  I tried to let him cry it out...he was in it for the long haul.  Jason can't sleep when he cries...down side of a TINY house.  Jack will cry the WHOLE night almost.  Yep.  Tried it.  Lovely.  Anyways, Jason teaches today and needed to sleep...obvs.  I finally brought the kid into our bed and he went right to sleep and basically stayed asleep.  REALLY?!?  Why oh why?  :)
-Also speaking of Jack.  I just LOVE that kid!!!  (Even though he sucks at sleeping haha).  His personality it coming out more and more.  He is the sweetest little guy.  He gives us kisses (big wet, slobbery opened mouth kisses) and it pretty much melts my heart.  He really has become (for the most part) a mellow, sweet natured, easy little guy.  If he slept perfectly then I guess it would all be too good to be true eh?!?  :)  I will say that he LOVES to get out.  If we stay inside he most definitely gets bored and lets me know it.
-I need to drink more water.  Seriously I do.  Just thought I'd throw that one in there. ha.

Welp, happy Thursday friends.  Hopefully I'll find my camera cord so that I can actually post some pictures.  Oh yaay.

Christmas Exchange! «Wanna join in on the fun???»

Source

Christmas is in less then two short months!?!  Can you even believe that?  I can't wait.  I love Christmas.  I love Jesus and the "reason behind the season".  I also love the other stuff too though.  You know, the festivities, presents, and etc.  We are VERY excited to have our first Christmas with our little guy. Very excited to start new Christmas traditions with our little dude...and to carry on the one's that we already do as a couple.

One of those traditions has been to give each other a Christmas ornament each year.  We actually forgot last year haha, but we've been doing it since we started dating.  Yay.

Anyways, I've seen some of those coolio mug exchanges and what not on blogs and I've always felt like...awww...I want to take part in one of those.  Sooooo...how about we do one!?!  But with ORNAMENTS!!!!  Yay!

Here is the deal.  I will organize it!  All you have to do is leave a comment and say you are in.  At the end of November...or so, I will email you and pair everyone with someone...randomly.  :)  Then on a given day in December we will all ship out our goodies to our internet friend.  Oh yay.

The ornament can be made...or not (cause I know everyone isn't crafty and there are some pretty awesome store bought ones).  Maybe don't spend more then $10 or so???

So what do you think?!?  Are you interested?  Does this sounds fun or lame???

Anywho.  So there you go.  :)
Hope you have a great weekend.

Happy Halloween!!!

Happy Halloween friends!

Baby Batman to the rescue!!!

Jacko's 1st Pumpkin Patch

Jason's pumpkin art. :) Ooooh scary!

Hope everyone has a fun Halloween.  I'm off to take a cute. cranky, teething baby Batman to see everyone at Jason's work.  :) (Hopefully this goes better then I'm imagining) hehe.

Friday Updates...

Hi all.  It's Friday!  Which means I'm off to work!?!  haha.  Weird that my "work week" starts on Friday.  My whole two day work week.  Anyways, thought I would do a few "updates" regarding...well, life.  :)

• If you recall there was a very emotional/confused post about sleep training a couple of posts back.  I received a ton of really helpful/encouraging comments.  So...how's it going you may ask?!?  Honestly the night time put down has been going really REALLY well (knock on wood ;) haha).  There is no crying anymore.  We are still having 2 wake ups or so a night (last night there were 3...ugh)  Nap time has been an issue though still.  I KNOW he needs a nap but he will not fall asleep with out crying.  What we end up doing is I put him down and he cries for three 5 minute intervals before I go in to put him down in our bed.  He just gets so worked up.  I don't know why he has so much trouble falling asleep on his own during the day?!?  Basically he gets worn out crying, I lie down on my bed with him and cuddle for maybe 3 minutes max and he's out for a good 2 hours or so.  Weird routine wouldn't you say?!?  I feel like I want him to learn to sleep at nap time on his own but we're just not quite there yet.  That being said I feel like we have made some progress because he was barely taking naps for a good month or so there.  I've noticed too that since taking a good nap during the day the night time process is much more smooth...maybe because he's not over tired???  So that's where we're at with that.  I've determined that I will not wake up with Jack now before 2 am.  I can't do it.  It's killing me and he does not need to eat 2-3 times a night.  I'm totally okay with one feeding but he seems to be slowly adding more and more.  Sooooo, tonight is our first night of letting him cry it out...assuming he wakes up more then once.  Which he probably will.  We'll see how that goes :)
• I feel like I'm really enjoying being a mom.  I mean, I'd love some more sleep and a little more free time once in a while haha, but overall I'm okay not having it.  It's totally worth it really.  Being a mom is the biggest blessing I have ever experienced.  The hardest blessing...but the best.  I am just in awe that God has entrusted us with Jack.  What a great, beautiful gift he is.  I just want to serve my Lord well in motherhood.  :)
• My house is a DISASTER!  Seriously, it's out of control.  I really need to do the dishes but once I put the boy down I just want to zone out and watch TV.  I've never been a TV watcher but it's so enticing now.  It's mind-numbingly relaxing.  Perfect.  :)
• I am going to take advantage of hitting my deductible this year and go to the chiropractor.  I feel like since giving birth I need a few adjustments.  My hips were JACKED for a good couple of months after giving birth.  They still don't feel right but I'm not in the constant pain I was in.   My neck and lower back could use some help.  Really...I just need to be cracked and popped back into shape.  I'm a little excited!  I've only been to one in SLO because of a broken tailbone injury so hopefully I find a good one up here in SF!
• I mentioned that I started attending a "Mom's Group" through my church in hopes that I would make some connections with other moms.  I have been faithfully going each Wednesday (even though I swear the boy sleeps HORRIBLY every Tuesday night).  I am starting to feel more comfortable and it has been really nice and totally necessary!  Community with other moms is so important.  Especially with other moms who love Jesus.  :)
• I am ready READY to go home for Thanksgiving!  I think I just miss being around family.  I want our little man to know his grandparents...and aunts and uncles.  Anyways, Thanksgiving can't come soon enough.

Welp, that's all for now!  Hope you have a marvy harvey weekend!
<3

Baby Leg Warmer Toot!

So Jacko is going to be Batman for Halloween.  I wanted to make him a pair of legwarmers to go with his onesie.  Actually I've been eyeing (did you know that "eyeing" is technically spelled "eying"?  That just looks weird though) a pair of baby leg warmers for a while but they are a bit pricey and I just couldn't justify spending money on a pair.  The idea actually came to me because I was bored and I put my knee high socks on him to make it look like he had 2 foot long legs.  :)  Yeah, these are the things I do to my baby. 

Anyways, I realized, hey!  I could totally make a pair of leg warmers.  I had the perfect pair of old knee highs that I pretty much never wear for his Batman outfit.  So I busted out these puppies and posted them on my Instagram.  :)

Anyways, they were REALLY easy.  It took a couple of tries on old holey socks of mine to get it right before I did the above pair.  I thought I'd spare you the trial and error and give you a little tutorial.  :)

So, first get yourself a pair of knee high socks.  They have super cute ones at Target for cheap.  The below one's are from Forever 21.

Cut the long top part off.  Jack is 4 months old and 10" was prefect for him with a little "scrunch" at the bottom.

So, this is where I messed up quite a few times before I got it right.  To make a nice finished edge cut the middle of the bottom part of the sock.  This is going to be your bottom "hem".  NOTE:  Avoid socks that are not even in thickness.  The sole of this sock was thicker (like some athletic socks) and I ran into problems coming up...as you will see.  :)

Take that middle section and roll it in half...so that both edges are lined up.

Then take the "hem piece" and line it up with the end of the sock that you cut off.

Pin the edge so that all 3 rough edges are lined up and use a some what wide zig zag stitch (messed up on that too originally haha...straight stitch does NOT work).  Sew AROUND the sock edge...don't sew the sock shut.  hehe.

And then you end up with something like this.  This will be the part that scrunches around his/her foot.

For whatever reason though because of the thick/thin part of the sock it ended up turning out a little weird.  The first pair that was an even thickness turned out great.  I actually ended up cutting the hem of this pair off and just folded it under with a zip zag stitch.  Oh well.  haha.  So, even thickness socks are key...you shouldn't have any probs.  :)

And there you go!  The cheapest, fastest sewing project ever.  Perfect for a mama with a baby.  :)

Sleep Training (or lack of)--LIVE

I'm sitting here listening to my baby cry.

He's trying to fall asleep for his afternoon nap.

And I feel like I want to cry.

It was a lot easier last night when Jason was here.  He distracted me from the fact that I feel like I am betraying/abandoning my child.  Seriously.  That's how I feel.

I still don't know where I stand on the cry it out/no cry sleep solution.  I've seriously read just about every book/theory.  I feel like I am seriously, psychologically damaging my child by letting him cry it out (and go figure there is evidence that chemical things are happening in their brains at levels that are REALLY high).  And yet here I am trying it.  I don't know what that says about me.  What I do know is that he needs to nap during the day...and he hasn't been.  I know that he needs to fall asleep easier then it's been lately.  He's fine in the middle of the night.  He wakes up to eat (and he's legit hungry) and immediately falls asleep but nap time and the initial put down at night is a battle.  It used to not be.  But this last month things have changed.

Last night was our first time letting him cry. Jack cried for 20 minutes.  It wasn't a "passionate" cry.  He never got too worked up so I didn't go in until the very end.  I put the binky in his mouth and he was out after that.  But right now for his nap...a different story.  He seems like a "strong willed child" already.  He's also incredibly cuddly and affectionate. I went in just now to calm him back down and he just grabbed my hand and looked up at me with this "why are you leaving me" look.  It seems like torture to him.  Yep, I totally broke down and cried.

I feel like either way I do it I'm screwed.  I feel like if I don't let him cry it out then the whole bed time process is prolonged into this 2 hour ordeal.  2 hours that I should be spending with Jason since I hardly am able to connect with him with his work schedule.  If I let him cry it out though I honestly feel like I am ruining my child.  It's probably wrong.  I want him to feel like he can cry and I'll come when he NEEDS me.  But is he at the point already where he can know to cry just to make me come because he WANTS me?  And is that so bad that he wants me?  He's so little still.  4 months old.  But he needs his sleep.  I need him to sleep too.  I need a break in the day.  I'm with Jack a good 12 hours a day usually...sometimes more.  I need a good hour at least to just relax...or even more so get things done like laundry and dishes.  And eventually he will get older and it seems like it will be harder to teach him to fall asleep then rather than now...I think.

So, he just cried for 10 minutes.  I calmed him down, left him, and all it took was 5 minutes and he was completely worked up again.  I went in and he had barfed on himself (I don't know if it was from being worked up or if it was from feeding him prior), he was completely sweaty, and I just broke down and picked him up.  I just laid with him on our bed and cried...he just snuggled into me and stared at me.  He fell asleep almost immediately with that beat down, I've been crying too much, staccato breathing.  He cried for a whole whopping 15 minutes.  Ugh.  How do people let their baby cry for an hour?   Do they not get worked up like Jack?  Are they just stronger then me?

I think I just need to relax and realize that what I do or don't do is not the sole attributor to the way Jack is going to turn out.  I want him to be a well rounded, obedient toddler (do those even exist? haha) and I feel like everyone is telling me that if I don't sleep train him with CIO then he probably won't be.  On the flip side I see the value of sleep.  That babies really need it.  I need to to trust the Lord and know that He has Jack in His hands and that He loves our little baby even more then we do.

All this to say...I have no clue what I'm doing.
And I totally caved at nap time today.
And I'm okay with it.
For now.

Thanks for being there during the nap time trauma today.  Ya'll the best. ;)

You May or May Not Know...

Well, I'm due for a post but I'm not quite sure what to write about.  I have a "4 month Jack" draft waiting to be published but I first need to find the camera cord to add pictures.  The elusive camera cord.  Why is that thing so hard to find???

Anyways, so let's talk about ME.  :)  This is my blog and all so why not?
15 things you may or may not know about me.  :)

1) I cannot stand the sound of someone who smacks when they eat.
2) When I was in 2nd grade a dog tried to attack me and my Dad kicked it so hard that he broke his shoe...and probably the dogs ribs and I got MAD at my Dad.  haha.  Silly child.
3) I feel the prettiest in my favorite jeans and a white shirt.
4) One day I would like to make my own cheese...and sell it. :)
5) I thought that having a baby would quench my desire for more kids for a while...and yet I think it's made it worse. ;)
6) Jason and I lived in Chile for the first year of our marriage.  I think people thought we were slightly nuts but it was such an amazing experience.
7) One day I would like to get my Masters in Philosophy and teach as a lecturer (my undergrad was in Philosophy).
8) I LOVE sushi.  And I also really like beer. yum.
9) I grew up in North Carolina.
10) I lived in Chile for a year and seriously can still barely speak Spanish.
11) I love to cook/bake.  As in I get excited to cook dinner every night...having a baby makes this complicated/almost non existent.  He's worth it though.  :)
12) I love season changes...but in the end prefer that it would always go back to 80 degree weather. 
13) My first car, and what I learned to drive in was a stick shift.  Our house was on top of one of the steepest hills in the town.  There was a stop light at the steepest part and once I actually got out when we were stopped and told a guy to get off my butt or I would hit him from rolling back.  He did too.  haha
14) I thought that working was harder then staying home as a mom...and then I had a baby and let me tell you.  Working outside of the home is WAY easier haha.  At least my job was easier.
15) I have 3 younger bro-shmos.

Have a happy Wednesday!  <3

Your Opinion Matters

Ok, not really.
HA!
Just kidding.  It DOES matter...sorta.  :)

Anyways.

So, I have an absurd quantity of hair.  It's pretty thick but it's soooooo long right now.

And I want to CUT IT OFF.

No really.  If I get a haircut it's always extreme.  I go back and forth between letting my hair grow really long and cutting it all off.  I am currently going through the "postpartum shed".  Have mercy.  I'm slightly convinced that I'm going to go bald in the end.  I can't believe how much hair I'm losing.  Wads I tell you.  WADS!  There is hair all over my house.  I find it on Jack, on Jason.  Let's not even talk about my bathroom drain.

So, I think it's time.

There are a few hairstyles I've been looking at.  I think that I would like bangs (side bangs I guess).  I've asked Jason just how short I can go.  He doesn't mind...as long as it looks good.  haha.  Whatever that means!  :)  I feel like I really need a change.  I call it my "Mom life Crisis".  I'm a mom now and I feel like I need to spice it up a bit.

Here are some styles I've had my eye on.....

                                                                        

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Ok, what do you think???  Granted some of these are very similar.  And granted I can't steal their faces...cause you know...having a gorgeous face makes it a little easier to have whatever type of haircut.  The haircut on the brunette would be by far the craziest, gutsy one.  I hate making these type of decisions.  It's hair though!  It'll grow.  So bring it on.  How crazy should I go?!?!? ;) (please ignore the wonky state these photos are in...formatting ain't my forte.)